My psychotic symptoms have mostly subsided, and I’ve come to find that I’m aimless, bored, she alone. I act like a fúcking child because that’s what I was when I started getting sick, and now, nearing the age of 21, I no longer have a place in the world. I just don’t know how to be 21. It feels like everyone expects me to just catch up, get with the program, get my life back on track, but I don’t know how to do that any better than I currently am.
For 7 years, my life stopped, and now that it’s picking back up, I’ve got what feels like a severe case of whiplash because for me, time jolted forwards. At least when I was psychotic, I had something driving me, but this emptiness isn’t any better, just differently bad.
I wanted to get a job, but my mom said I wasn’t ready, so I applied for disability and I got it, first try. Go me, I guess. Congrats on being certifiably schizophrenic. Even a freaking stranger can tell that I’m not ready to live in the real world. I really thought I was. I could’ve been, if things hadn’t gone so horribly wrong. I thought I was over this anger. Life’s not fair, I know. I get it. It’s just, when I was psychotic, I was in trouble. Now, I’m just in pain.
I’m sorry you’re in pain! It’s really hard recovering from a psychosis, especially a long one. Mine lasted for three years and when I “woke up” I felt like I lost time. I’m still getting used to my age and how much time as gone by. It does get better, bit by bit. Maybe try doing one thing you enjoy each day? My mom helped me out a lot during the beginning part of my recovery and she encouraged me to just do one thing each day. Also, I think psychosis can come with a lot of grieving, so you might be going through that too.
I’ve been off haldol for awhile, but, yeah, it sort of feels like I woke up from this long ass dream, more like a coma. I don’t know. But yeah, everyone seems to want me to be over it. Is 14 months of relative stability long enough for me to just have to get over it? 14 months for 7 years? Sounds fúcking fair.
You are so young. I am 75 and just want to advise you to keep yourself well protected. Because, when I was young, my worst problems had to do with being naive and letting people take advantage of me. Good luck to you. You have a along life ahead of you.
Yeah, it sucks. Do you have this feeling? I’ve been trying to just get on with my life, but it’s not really working. I’m just alone in this, from an emotional standpoint. I try to relate to my mom and brother, for instance, but they won’t have any of it because they seem to possess a fundamental lack of compassion or respect for the gravity of my own experiences. They shut me out, and I feel this intense anger because they’re hurting me, and they don’t even fúcking care.
The more opportunity expected before one got sick with schizophrenia the greater the pain post psychosis. It is those schizophrenics who came from the middle class and above who recognize their losses the most. The greater portion of suicides post psychosis are from the brighter and once wealhier schizophrenics.
Lower class people and lower middle class people roll with the punch schizophrenia gives better than those who had more to lose.
I was only a child. I just wanted to start my life and then BAM! That’s not to say that my situation couldn’t be any worse; things could’ve easily gone an entirely different way. I figured if I just kept going, then things would be okay, and I thought I was over this anger, but I’m not. I’m so tired of people acting like nothing happened, like it’s a bad thing that I’m interested in making up for time lost. I think I deserve to have some fun while I’m still somewhat sheltered from the real world. But it’s whatever, I guess.