PTSD and isolation has changed me

After my car wreck which was on purpose then now going on 2, 2 and a half years of pretty consistent isolation i feel ive really lost it. I just don’t know what to do anymore but lay around in my room and watch tv and play video games and talk to myself. I cant believe ive come to this point. What does it matter im preaching to the choir right. Talking with people just feels empty and cold like ive lost all sensation to it. I hate how im all alone but it feels pointless to socialize. Does it really matter anyway were all just cogs in the gears of society waiting for our number to be called. Why do we continue to do this to ourselves. Live i mean. Y do we do it. It seems so meaningless. It is meaningless. Ive lost all hope in myself and humanity. I mean a extinction level event happens every 100 million years anyway and the sun is going to turn into a red giant and burn us all and then theres the solar nebula that is giving us the middle finger so even the universe hates me and everyone else
See what i mean were doomed

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Are you my old livejournal account?

No, seriously, I can relate, I’ve been through various periods of social isolation where all seemed hopeless, and now all is hopeless and I’m socially isolated again, just more optimistic about a situation that is actually more hopeless than the times of isolation in which I was more pessimistic.

Is that a giant galactic gas cloud giving us all the middle finger? because I sure freaking hope it is.

Hang in there anyway, I have ptsd too just lost my diagnosis so no one takes it seriously, how could the grand scheme be pulled off otherwise though?

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You gotta make your own meaning, Rabbit. Find somewhere to volunteer. Find a spot on campus that’s above-average pretty and peaceful. Make yourself useful. Listen to the sound of the birds singing.

There’s a religious philosophy - I’m not sure from which religion, but I believe it’s from India - that everything is here for a purpose. The thing is, there’s no way of knowing exactly what that purpose is.

It could be something huge, like saving the lives of people in a fire. It could be something completely innocuous, like walking across a lawn and flattening the grass under your foot, thus clearing the way for an insect to pass. It could be an offhanded comment you make that inspires someone else to go on to do something wonderful. It could be just opening or closing a specific door at a specific time on a specific day.

There’s no way to know, Rabbit, so do everything like it’s the reason you’re on this earth. Every moment is special. Every action might change the world.

Much love to you, Rabbit. You’re unique and precious.

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Though on the bright side ive learned compassion for all people