Probably Have SZ

I have an appointment with my doctor on the 16th and I’ve been having a lot of the ‘usual’ symptoms for years now but only recognized what they meant a year or two ago and just manned up to call the doctor a few weeks ago.

I’ve got one dominant voice in my head besides my own and the occasional chorus of others that chirp in with various mutterings or encouragements to do ‘bad’ things. The main voice isn’t that bad due to it somehow managing to work with me on things. I’ve convinced it to help me with my writing a few years back by naming the main character after him after he chose a name for himself. It’s weird as **** but it helped a lot.

My memory has turned to utter and complete **** over the past few years to the point where I forget things within a few minutes. I’ll be at work and have to either make a list to check off or risk having to ask what I was doing constantly.

I’m paranoid to the point where I have to constantly tell myself that the people behind me have no reason to be talking about/laughing at me. One of the voices constantly degrades me when I thing about asking someone on a date. It whispers something along the lines of “They don’t really like you like that.” or “What could you offer them? You’re not worthy of them.”

I have a hell of a time forcing myself to wash clothes/myself/clean up at all. I rent a room and it’s a disgusting mess but despite knowing it and feeling shame about it, I just feel blank when I want to clean up.

I’m really hoping that my doctor can do something to help me because I have no idea what to do.

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Relax. You’ve done the right thing.

Most imporatant thing. Take the medications your given and do it religiously! It will all work it’s way out.

Don’t worry about the diagnosis this early. Just get some help and listen to the doc. If it’s a gp you’ll get referred to a psychiatrist. That is important. They are specialists for the mind and they’ll sort it all out.

Well done on realising you need help. Could be many things. Most of us hit the system really hard and don’t have much choice in things!