Schizophrenia.com

Possibly Schizophrenic

Okay so this might come out a little jumbled or confusing, I’m not always competent at communicating lol… When I was younger, a child, I was diagnosed with Aspergers which has all of the negative and cognitive symptoms of Schizophrenia, only without the positive symptoms of a hallucination and dillusions… However, my whole life… At least as long as I can remember, I have seen and heard spirits and demons… I have always thought that they exist and that this is perfectly natural… But now I’m starting to worry that they’re not…
I’m also starting to admit to myself that I’m extremely paranoid and having delusions of persecution… For example, at night I can barely sleep… I always feel like someone is watching me through my window… But not just a mild “oh I feel like I’m being watched” more like a “I’m completely terrified and can’t move because if I move then they’ll know I’m here even though I have blinds and a black out curtain they can see me through the cracks, I just know it” and the only thing that helps that is being completely in the dark where anyone outside of my window can’t see me… But that poses a new problem… The demons and spirits… Because then I can hear them and feel them and… I know this sounds silly but the monsters under my bed and in my closet feel so real to me… I’m terrified of stepping onto the floor in the middle of the night to get my baby to nurse her because I can’t shake the thought that a hand is going to reach out from under my bed and grab my ankle… But at the same time I can’t just let her cry herself back to sleep (she is old enough to sleep through the night, I’m not talking just abuse and ignoring her) because then the people at the window will be able to hear her and they’ll know we’re in here…
These thoughts have been haunting me since I was in elementary school… Specifically the window and the demons ones… But there are many others as well… Im scared to leave my house alone… I’m scared to interact with people… I’m scared about so much… And ever since highschool I’ve been practically a hermit… Partly because of the fear and partly because of the depression and a lack of motivation… I don’t know how they let me graduate… I half of junior and all of senior year I could only get myself to school one day a week… The rest of the time I laid in bed reading…
My point is… I feel as if I’ve been misdiagnosed with Aspergers… And I need someplace or someone to talk about this with… Thank you.

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I feel as if I’ve been misdiagnosed with Aspergers…

What meds did they put you on, if any? Being misdiagnosed is common.

I have paranoid schizophrenia and your symptoms sound like me if I’m unmedicated.

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I could have written this post because I absolutely relate to just about every word. Autism and Schizophrenia are cousins, so to speak, so it’s not shocking that you were diagnosed with Aspergers. My experience has been that since I appear to be functioning, albeit minimally, doctors are hesitant to diagnose sz. I was diagnosed other things for years before sz… I recommend seeing your doctor and getting help. I wish you the very best :heart:

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I wasn’t prescribed any medication for Aspergers… I remember I was prescribed something when I was a little kid but I don’t remember what it was other than it made me really violent…
How did you find out you’re schizophrenic? And does medication really help?
I’ve always been worried about taking medication that alters my mind…

How did you find out you’re schizophrenic?

I was psychotic, and got picked up by the police for acting strangely. I was then forcibly hospitalised. By that time it was easy for them to diagnose me.

They saved my life, as I thought I was immortal and was just hours away from testing my theory.

Meds have given me my life back. No more paranoia, very little ‘spuritual’ stuff etc etc.

I haven’t spoken to any doctors about it yet but I’m going to be seeing my therapist (which my family makes me go to because they strongly believe something Is wrong with me) on Wednesday and I’m thinking about talking about it with her…
It’s difficult though, I was raised to never tell doctors things like that… My moms point of view is “If you drink, don’t tell them you drink, they’ll blame every ailment on that. If you smoke, don’t tell them you smoke, they’ll blame every ailment on that. If you hear voices, don’t tell them you hear voices or you’ll get locked up for being crazy.”

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No, that’s bad advice. Make sure you tell them everything.

Well obviously no one here can tell you if you are or not. You should talk to your Dr about it.

When I was a child Aspergers had not been -discovered or wasn’t available as a diagnosis .
I dont believe it became a valid diagnosis until the 80s? and now it is not even one anymore for the new DSM-5.
But I am digressing. My parents always said there was something wrong/off about me. The Drs said I had autistic like symptoms but as far as I know I never had that diagnosis.
I do currently have a diagnosis of disorganized schizophrenia (which no longer is in the new DSM-5 either)
Personally I have felt my symptoms are more consistent with temporal lobe seizures and PTSD but I can’t afford any more testing. I did have some seizure testing but TLE is not always picked up with the wires on the head.
In any case the anxiety and fears are something you should talk to someone about. Good luck.

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Yeah, my mom was paranoid too. It was my main voice that became irate when I told my therapist at the time what was really going on. I kept my most serious things a secret, in the same box I hid my molestation experiences. I told everything to this one therapist and I’m glad I did. I went to a doctor once when I was a kid. My mom didn’t trust them. So, I was never diagnosed anything until young adulthood. I was Bulimic, depressed and suicidal. Years later I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder, and then finally sz. It was such a relief to be diagnosed because sz encompasses everything I am and was experiencing.

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I have a dual-diagnosis of SZ and Aspergers or Autism Spectrum Disorder as they have been calling it lately. The SZ diagnosis came first and the Asperger’s diagnosis came later. It’s possible to be both, although somewhat rare.

Something you will definitely need to talk to your doctor about. Welcome to the community.

what meds are you taking?

Just abilify 10mg. Meds are different for everyone though. What works for one may not work for another.

I’m aware. I’m on invega 9mg and my thoughts are still consumed with spiritual nonsense.

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Thank you all… And I will talk to a doctor about it as soon as I can… I have an appointment made in a month so I have to wait a little while, which I don’t mind, it gives me the time to build up the courage lol…
I have another question… How did your families and loved ones deal with the diagnosis…?

First of all welcome.

Second of all, tell your therapist everything and ask for help to see a psychiatrist.

Third, first my family reacted weirdly, like it’s not possible for me to have it, but now they’re used to it and are helpful.

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I have only told a handful of family/friends. Everyone has been supportive in a general sense, but it’s a lonely journey because it’s hard to understand and has such stigma attached. This forum has been invaluable to me, so glad you came here.

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Thank you :slight_smile: and that’s how my SO is acting… But I feel like if I told my mom she would shut me out… She already told me once before that she’s "had enough of schizophrenics and didn’t need any more in her life"
And I’m currently living with an abusive grandmother and I’m worried she’d just use it as more fuel… But I hope they might get used to it and be helpful too…

Thank you too :slight_smile: I can see that this is a very helpful place… I’m glad I came here too :slight_smile:

Sounds like you need meds and have been schizo your whole life but had a fair grasp to where it wouldn’t wander beyond control. I think a psychiatrist talk and a med regimen would help soothe out your thoughts tremendously.

I have seen people go untreated their whole lives get put on a little bit of meds and be like. OMG my head is clear thanks. It really is that simple if you feel like your thoughts are unwarranted then most definitely try out some meds. You’ll be glad you did.

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Your baby needs protection from the scary stuff, too. Be brave for your baby, if not for yourself!

Would it help you at all to learn how to defend an area against demons / evil spirits, or do you feel that would lead you down a bad path?

When I began having visual hallucinations of shadow people, I thought they were demons, I thought they were evil spirits, I thought they wanted me dead. Sometimes I still think that. But over many years I’ve come to terms with the fact that this happens, and my emotional reaction to them has mellowed.

Welcome to the board! It’s important to have a “care team” and be as honest as possible at all times. And courageous in the face of fear!