It turns out we are all sexy as ■■■■.
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Ahahah great one!
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Every person is desirable in their own way. We’re all deserving of love.
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I fell in love with the physician who delivered my daughter… Then the delusions and hallucinations came when in my postpartum haze. My daughter’s father who I was married to at the time refused to emotionally support me through the journey to recovery from the memory of the physician’s touch in the most vulnerable moment of my life. The physician has gone onto become a politician. I still struggle with the memory of his clinical touch in the most vulnerable moment of my life. I can’t make emotional sense of the way he touched me. I’ve always thought the illness for me was triggered by the trauma of being unloved. I’ve searched to find something better than the feelings from my delusional belief that the physician loved me. For me, nothing compares.
I wrote a book describing my healing process. All in Her Head. I try to let go, but nothing really compares. I know the physician will never love me. But I haven’t stopped loving him. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy to feel heartbroken for 11 years and counting. I’ve gone through fear, anger, sadness, pain, suffering, loss, grief… I’ve dated, and it doesn’t help. I’ve got friends who are good companions, but I’m afraid to settle for less than love. I settled for a practical love with my daughter’s father. Then when I was touched by the physician it changed everything. I stopped caring about anything rational. I realized nothing matters but loving and feeling love. The physician was so nice to me. I had no power to defend myself against my emotional response to his attention and touch. So here I sit, 11 years later, wondering how to bear a future alone and unloved. His kindness ruined my life. If he’d just loved me, or not touched me. I can’t bear the reality that he touched me and will never show me love. Of all the injustices… I think not being loved is the worst.
Sunny
About time someone noticed! 