Schizophrenia.com

Poems from inside a schizophrenic

Hey! I have had a diagnose “paranoid schizophrenia” for almost four years. In this time I have written many poems in Estonian and English and also a story about me(there is also a lot fantasy) but that sadly is only in Estonian(atleast for now). So enjoy, here are some!! :blush:

The Truth

You have nothing seen yet
You do not know feelings until
this one day
You’ll get to know
all the pain of the world
All converted into feelings
And they say:
“Schizophrenics”.

Voices in my head

Voices in my head
makes me feel like I’m dead
Voices in my head
I choose death instead
Voices in my head
please go away, spread
Voices in my head
Can’t see future ahead
Voices in my head
Illussions next to me in bed
Voices in my head
It’s global, widespread
Voices in my head
can’t even hold knife to cut bread
Voices in my head
Voices in my head
Voices in my head

A war …

A war inside my head is taking place
I wish for peace, but it’s like neverending chase
There’s nothing I can do, makes me feeling blue
Don’t know what is the reason to live like this
I’d throw myself, everything that resembles me to the abyss
Give me reasons to stay, give me reasons to pray
My eyes, they are colorless of this way of life
It’s silence I miss, but all I get is this noise of no reality.

I feel too much

I feel too much
This is poisoned, my lunch
I know You are looking
and thinking
about me
hearing
my every thought
If you wanna fight
we will fight
You can have a fork
and I’ll take a knife
What? You are from out of space
Here to destroy me
sending messages to my head
No, it’s not fear
it’s rage
I’ll kill you
and everyone you know

Thoughts

Another day for feeling blue
where should I be, having no clue
where the happiness lives
it’s not what life gives
to me
everyday is the same
I agree
there is no hint or smell
there is nothing to be well

But life changes.

I am not as I was yesterday
If you could see me not the display
I know I am not as I was yesterday.
My past, it’s gone
And I am not alone
anymore
If only you could see me now…

Inner devil

You have personality
I asked your name
But the voice is nameless
He have no memories
So how to call you
My devil
inner monster
What colour is your hair
and eyes
I’d like to see you
in real life
but you are trapped
inside my head
And I am the only one
listening you
You are no soulmate
You are just an innner pain
I can’t get rid off
So I’ll make fun of you
Laugh at you
and all you can do
is get mad for a second

Lost and forgotten

I lost lines, forbidden rhymes,
You know black and red signs.
Disturbing foolish souls,
modern designs
looking out the window.
Me being low
Noone cares noone hears
They play with your fears
Laugh at your tears
death cold at your shares
it’s not a car you could repear
Can’t go to jail for this crime
If there is a God,  please save me
I’m lost unfortunately.
So, so lost
in this blackened dust
was destined to be the last
to die in lonesome agony.

Broken wings

I’m lost in the silence, can’t find my way out.
There’s too much violence,I’d want to shout it loud,
but can’t, it’s stuck in my throat, no way out,
no way in, all I do is stand still, no will.
But you like it, don’t you, to see a fool, drowning in a pool,
locked tight in chains, no complains whatsoever.

Tension is pressing inside, can’t say more than hello,
doesn’t matter how kind, you just can’t be my fellow.
Every laugh hides a fear, please, don’t be near.
Emotions coming over the line, saying I’m fine, drinking wine,
but everything is so damn broken, can’t get lower, can’t be a lover.
I’m a cover of everything that can never be found, it’s not there,
its not here, but you just can’t stop looking, can’t stop wondering.
Too many ifs, looks and smiles, their just hiding the lies.

You think that life is just a game, dealers around the table.
Now let me tell you, that’s frigging lame, it’s hearts you gamble.
Bets on the boy in red, he’s in me, such a irrational thing.
The talk between us is dead, sending out hints, but I already have broken wings.

Don’t remember

I try to remember
but it’s hard
It’s like I don’t remember
all the torture and pain

A bad dream is over
This neverending nightmare had an ending
Now I’m dealing
with life
schoolwork
friends
and job
Never felt this happy
It’s a gift
I’m gonna hold
forever in my heart
In every beat.
I see future
I see life.

Thanks for reading! :blush:

3 Likes

It is great you are from estonia and you can write poems in english , good luck :wink:

Good poetry enjoyed the build up to the last poem… was it intentional?

Now that I think about it, maybe it was subconsciously intentional .

Thank you all. I think the last poem describes best my current situation.

All the best!
C.K.

Something old I found …

Am I lying to myself
what about those dreams
what about those happy endings
my dreams and my endings…


I’m a lost soul
wondering around the corners
instead of a heart there is hole
stabbed by traitors with knives
and there is no end to my lonesome feeling
breathing, crying, smiling
all I do is just existing
but not being there
in others life
do you know how it is to bear
everything inside
never letting others know
never showing your beautiful soul
always the last
always the last
never the first
never alive…