Poem to someone i knew

[rhizome]

stupid excuses,
reasons to go
another day
with life’s cruel blessings

this is what i have to give
this is why you starve
my own selfish fear
my own disgusting shame

my version of you
that’s dead or almost there
a head on the floor
warm or no longer human

he’s still more real
than the people i talk to
more familiar and near
through the darkness of joy

i still hear your voice
as i know you hear mine
but our conversations always circle
to the one embarrassing point

this is what i have to give
this is why you rot
my own selfish fear
my own disgusting shame

drugs wont turn your face away
nor show you the guilt
that i protect
so i can feed you on regret

this is what i have to give
this is why youre gone
my own selfish fear
my own disgusting shame

[rhizome]

Im feeling sad today. A melancholy type of sadness. My regrets are close to me right now. Last night i was finally able to feel sad about something that’s been really bothering me for a long time, and so i was finally able to write about how i feel. It’s the first step toward forgiving myself. Sadness is better than what i felt before.

[rhizome]

Honestly this poem isnt good and i can do much better, but i posted it because it’s the most honest expression of my real feelings. It’s more therapeutic than artistic.

[Loke]

I don’t completely understand it but it’s a good poem