Please let me know when my mind goes

DX'd - Sz/SzA
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I am in a downwards spiral.
I can feel myself becoming more bitter, and both looking and sounding more and more unhinged.

If you guys pick up on signs I’m starting to slip, please please please tell me to take my damn PRN, and/or step away from the forum until I can compose myself.
I might argue about the PRN pills because I genuinely hate taking them, but I am pretty faithful to authority and will eventually relent and take them if the person holds their ground.

I don’t want to alienate my sz family, but I fear my self control is dwindling.
As much as I need the support of the forum these days, I also need to not wake up one day and realise everyone dislikes me because I have been picking fights or posting deranged things.

Please let me know when it’s time for me to realise my mind is going.
Be blunt, but kind.

Thank you in advance.

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You have anxiety you are going down hill. Maybe discuss with a therapist a plan.

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I can’t afford a therapist :confused:

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A plant can be a friend.

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I have four friends.

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Hang in there @Pikasaur . You need an ear let us know…I’m sure someone in our community will tell you if your playing up. What’s up with you…stress isn’t good for most of us…you doing ok?

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You are free to PM me if you’re in need of a friendly word.

:heart:

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Thank you.
And thank you Velociraptor as well. I might pm one of you if I need to.

I am under a lot of financial stress, I don’t get nearly enough sleep, and I seem to spend a substantial time ruminating on things that upset me.

Like how my sister just had a baby, and will do to him what our mom did to us:
Keep him from seeing family members, in this case me, and probably fill his head with stories of how bad I was. I wonder if he’ll be as curious as I was about the family members I couldn’t see.
I wonder if I’ll cry and hug him if I ever meet him, like my aunt did when I tracked her down and went to visit.

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Stop. Take stock. You can’t help others ideas of you but you can change them simply being a good Ancle/sibling/friend. It’s hard if your worrying over it all…maybe check in with doc. Obsessing isn’t good but your a good egg and if you do your stuff I’m sure your not being frozen out. Not sure of your family but do what you can do. Look after your health and see what develops…Then make descicions.

Sorry your struggling but your a good person. Give yourself some credit.

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She has made it pretty clear I am not to contact her under any circumstance.

I appreciate you saying I’m a good person. I wasn’t always, and I frequently ruminate about the peopæe I’ve hurt and the bridges I’ve burnt.

In my mind, I will never be good enough to make up for the monster I once was.

Every time I catch myself snapping at someone or being passive-aggressive, or picking fights online, I start my cycle of self-loathing.

I wish I could be sunshine and butterflies more often than I am.
I have a strong fear of being disliked and abandoned

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Don’t worry. Composure is overrated anyways!

Just brain dump whatever you need here

Someone will always be online to help you out

I hope the PRN helps you

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yeah hearing that. Still. That is your sisters choice and not yours.

You can still be a stand up person no matter what your past. Honestly I was a total shite to my sister before meds. Treated her horribly but years later we do ok. Things change. You change.

As I said. Don’t sell yourself short. You are a worthwhile human being!

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