Schizophrenia.com

Please delete my account

Thank you.

@ninjastar

@SzAdmin

@DearZombie

Thank you. Please anon too.

Here’s the process for account anonymization.

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Why dude? What happened?

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I hope you reconsider your decision.

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I’m a lurker John I like reading your posts don’t leave. I sometimes believe I got tortured by mk ultra or they give me trauma my hospital stay was hell and think I got ptsd from it. Your a intellegent guy don’t leave man

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Hey. I post what’s on my mind. Not every thought or feeling of course. But sometimes it’s very overwhelming.

I don’t like some of the stuff I post because it makes me paranoid and sometimes I delete what I write or get paranoid and want to delete my account or anonymize it. But I’m addicted to this forum. Sometimes, I don’t get the response I want or need. I cannot please everybody or expect people to sympathize or accept some or parts of my story. There may be some honest errors in there because some of it is ‘past life’ memories, which is the paranormal part of my self. I get dreams and daylight flashbacks or recall or visions as some might call them.

I might stay for a while. Like I said, I don’t enjoy what I post. Everything I post is delusional to people here – even UFOs and aliens, despite millions of people believing in it in America. Who’s the delusional one, now?

I do get some support and consider some of you guys as friends and enjoy the chat. There’s a small part of this forum that I empathize and recognize with – especially in this thread.

See, I want to have a future. Like go to school or at least work a part time job even if it’s minimum wage. I figure there are some people that don’t like me, trolls, shills, ■■■■■■■■, and people that reported me. My grandmother had a visit some time ago. I know what I post, but I do it to get help. I’ll never get the right help. I’m sure military type people who go to the VA have it 100x worse than me. I’ve never been in the military or real military, but I say stuff like MK-Ultra and worse to get help because I experienced something in this life and cannot remember. I have vague ideas and memories, but cannot recall stuff perfectly. It’s hard to know and who to blame. Do I blame the aliens, also?

There’s so much corruption out there. It’s unfathomable. I never knew it was this bad. It’s incomprehensible.

I consider myself ‘psychic’ and can see different possibilities or timelines like a quantum computer. It’s hard to describe and accept and understand to others.

Part of me wants to be a math major or a computer engineer or something. I don’t want to ruin that chance and opportunity.

Life is just stressful. I get paranoid after I post my experiences and life and it ruins my day to say the least. I feel like I’m being watched a lot and I hate it. I have to live my life and function the best I can. I would love to talk to someone but it’s straight to the loony bin. I’m tired of going there and don’t get help anyways. I don’t trust them anymore and it’s just a waste of time and resources for me. My meds are the best they’ve ever been. You cannot medicate the truth unless you literally want a lobotomy or to be unconscious.

I do know I’m being watched. My life was destroyed mostly because of schizophrenia. But I think the hospital was worse than what happened to me in college. I don’t even like talking about the college. I don’t even think I like that school anymore…

I have problems with my dad that are unrelated to this. He has no empathy and he even admits that. My mom and step-father don’t believe half of what I say because they are very Christian. My step-father doesn’t believe in aliens. My mom sort of thinks something happened to me as well as my sister – somewhat. They are more open minded. I rarely have contact with people. Perhaps, I don’t like most folks anymore.

There’s some evidence and I left some notes and some stories to them if I die someday or ‘disappear’.

Despite MK-Ultra being a proven program and has been documented, televised, been discussed in congress, has been admitted, and talked ad nausea, and thousands of victims talk about it, I still get flak. I still get told it’s a delusion here and from my family and from therapists and doctors. Every damn doctor or mental health worker I talk to has no feelings or empathy for me. I told them my story – even social security. I feel they’re worthless to me in some way.

At least I get allowed some freedom here and some help and am not truly alone here. I like that.

The whole system is flawed. I don’t want to sound paranoid, but you cannot trust anyone really. They never heard of it or deny it happening. Can’t even get a proper PTSD diagnosis – not that it would help me. They told me I’ll never get affirmation or acknowledgement or VALIDATION for my experiences. I get told it’s real to me, but not real to them.

That’s why I feel odd and don’t trust anyone except my family. Life is very weird especially for me.

Even my current doctor (county) has little empathy. I’m sure he makes $500K + a year with benefits and I get the cold treatment. He’s been a decent doctor. Sort of like Doctor House. If it wasn’t for my mom, he would be a 5 minute doctor and would be horrible. I don’t know what I would do without my parents, really. I probably would ‘doctor shop’ and get accused of Munchhausen by proxy by incompetent people and people with their nose stuck up in the air.

I don’t like talking too much and getting into specifics. I tend to post on various websites. Not really anymore.

Don’t be surprised if I delete this post.

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