Perpetual loop, square one: "what's the point"

I seem to be stuck in this perpetual loop. I spend some time (weeks, months, years) obsessively pursuing something, some kind of personal project or goal or whatever, thinking/worrying all the time about it and not sleeping much, but it’s all just inertia from one impulsive moment that got me to start it, and I just cling to it and make it a point to not question it because I know new motivation is hard to come by. Then at some point I get too tired and see that there was never really a point to it. I toss it aside forever and just sleep a lot or whatever for who knows how long.

Ideally as far as I’m concerned I’d just play video games and watch TV and that’s what I’d do with my life. I don’t think there’s any meaning to life other than passing the time, so in theory I’m perfectly fine with that. Doing those things is easy enough, but still, enjoying it is easier said than done. My mind keeps looking for meaning where I don’t believe there’s any to be found. Humanity doesn’t feel like a fantasy worth fighting for, which makes most fiction content unrelatable. And I seem to be hopelessly as goal-oriented as I am unable to have consistent goals. “What am I doing this for” is kind of a stupid question to ask, when simply passing the time (and hopefully getting my brain to shut the be quiet for a moment) is the goal. Silly brain still wants to know the answer though. :melting_face:

Over the years the frequency, length and intensity of those obsessive periods has decreased a lot, and overall I think that’s good, especially for my physical health. But then the question remains: what do I even do with my time? I “should” be doing something, and whatever mystery thing it is that I “should” be doing, it’s not whatever I actually am doing, assuming I’m doing anything (which I guess most of the time I’m not, though it’s hard to keep track of how much nothing I do). I should ideally have an income, that’s for sure, but that’s not a short-term concern, and vaguely worrying about it does nothing to solve anything (and if I had an income I’d be worrying just the same about maintaining it anyway, or about something, as I’ve always have).

…And I’m back to that square one that I’m so familiar with. I’m asking strangers on the internet about there being any point in thinking about my thinking of there being a point to things, and I’m thinking if there’s even a point to asking this. Yep. :joy: Why the why? Why, because. That’s the drill.

Any thoughts, tips or any personal progress of your own with this kind of thing?..

Hi welcome to the forum.

I can relate as I often get enthusiastic about things then maintain for a while before I lose interest. It’s frustrating but I’ve found doing something like exercise I have had more success maintaining. I’m not complaining though as I think it’s good to keep busy…I wish I had an answer to maintaining that enthusiasm over time.

Honestly. I play a lot of computer games but it’s my wind down and relax time. Computer games are one of the few forms of entertainment I can enjoy with little problems. I find it hard to watch movies or a lot of tv…So as to doing things…I do things I enjoy and try to maintain my sanity. I don’t think it’s an answer you were looking for but we are all different and tread different paths.

What even am I looking for anyway?.. :joy: The day I know what I’m asking will probably be the day when I know the answer.

I appreciate the response either way. Everything only ever emerges out of randomness first.

Exercise really is a good starting point and anchor. I try to maintain a daily or near-daily habit of exercising. It’s the one thing that consistently pays to force myself to do. I’ve tried a few times to think of it as my current “project”, but that always backfires, especially when fatigue hits with no rhyme or reason, so these days I’m less ambitious about it and just try to go for a daily walk instead. Consistency matters most.

That would be ideal. It’s one of the things I really struggle with. I only seem to be able to focus on anything at the total expense of everything else, including things like eating and sleeping properly. My brain has a will of its own, and it’s usually at odds with mine to some extent or another.

Maybe I should actually try and look into meditation sometime, it’s a thought I keep coming back to. It always seems like something totally impossible for me to do, but then again that’s the exact reason why it’s probably a good idea for me to try. Talking myself (or being talked) into not thinking is counterproductive. So what’s left is not-talking myself into not thinking.

I believe the only purpose of life is to invent so those of us that can’t will just be passing the time. Finding something or someone you love is a great way to pass the time.

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