Today has been a frustrating day for me…
Another day in life as a schizophrenic. I got to speak with my wonderous sister. It was a good talk but after 3 hours I was damn tired and feeling a lot of ainx.
She said her and her husband wanted me to visit. Informed me that it was even his idea. I now have the offer to basically stay at their place indefinitely in their spare room while I get established in a new town. So that’s an exciting idea to entertain. The problem is that I have to trade all the dreams and visions of my immediate future I crafted for myself here. School in KC and reuniting with all my friends over there. Just getting out of Lawrence would be bliss either direction I move to make that happen.
I’ll go down there and visit to check it out.
I made a cake today. Too much sugar and milk in it though. Wound up too sweet and solid for my taste. Still had a bunch of flours and sugars that I wanted to get rid of without wasting.
I’m damn tired. It’s a damn pain to be addicted to cigarettes and coffe and booze. I really need to get myself in line in those regards.
I do like stress testing myself though. I do like knowing I can handle the worst of chemical states. I’m in one of them now.
Went 9 hours without smoking today only to get off the phone and relapse back into smoking.
The coffee I drank to compensate for the fogginess of not smoking led me to a diuretic state and that’s a blast on top of the physical fatigue.
Got my media center extender working on my xbox… I need to reposition my modem so that I get better signal to my laptop… so I have one more twist on my apartments arangement before it’s good to go.
Then I’ll just binge watch the X-Files and other shows to get past all the strangeness of detoxing from 3 addictions at once. Booze is easy enough for me to stay away from. Without cigs, which I can do… I tend to compensate with more caffeine… and caffeine is devilishly sneaky.
Quite affirmed though. I don’t think I’ll relapse into another psychotic break. My life is just getting better…
Wasn’t a single day this week that the dishes piled up. I still spent more thna I should have last night. A couple coffees down town. A drink at one of my favorite bars and then a 6 pack afterwards.
Still really tireed of not knowing where my place is in the world. I enjoy meeting people and hanging in bars… but it’s like on one side you have criminality and on the other side there is conceit and high standards… both are pretty exclusive parties…
Gotta go… litterally about to fall asleep. Either fall asleep or vomit… I can’t tell lol,.
