People saying conventional things

I’m such an old suspicious cynic that I don’t like it when people express conventional “emotions,” – like sympathy and encouragement, welcome, congratulations, condolences, advice to be positive, giving appreciation, reassurance, etc. Even if they’re genuine, I take them as intending to appear – genuine, of course. Even on this site!!

I must assume that everyone is acting and knows it.

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i find it hard to trust, but believe it or not i am genuine.
" three things cannot be hidden for long, the sun, the moon, and the truth ".
take care


Yes I find it hard to trust people, and I don’t trust change either, which was the subject of another topic.

Just because I wish someone “good luck” or"congratulations" doesn’t mean I want to marry them or make a lifelong friend. It’s polite and I do actually wish people well. We should not encourage each other? Or welcome newcomers?


A little bit about being fake is courtesy. It also occurs naturally. They aren’t acting their being follows their behavior. It becomes genuine even if it only starts as a nice thought.


I have a cousin who has been working her butt off… literally. She’s been trying to lose weight for ages. She’s working hard and has dropped 25 pounds.

So when she tries on a “dream dress” and asks, “I’ve lost 25 pounds… does this dress make me look fat?”

What am I going to say?

“Yes you poor porker, all that work doesn’t show, too bad.” Or am I going to say… “Congratulations on loosing 25 pounds, keep up the hard work. That dress doesn’t make you look fat, but it’s not the best dress I’ve seen on you.”

In all honesty, I don’t care about the dress…
but in the interest of self-preservation… I don’t want to make her cry and hurt her feelings. Just because I don’t care what she puts on doesn’t mean I’m a cold hearted jerk.

I might not care about every issue I see, but it doesn’t hurt me to be encouraging and I LIKE being helpful. I LIKE being nice. I LIKE seeing people succeed. I feel it begins to make up for all those years that I was angry, negative and cruel.

I admit it… I’m being a little self interested when I reach out to others. Because it makes me feel better to see others feeling better. It’s all part of the a circle of existence.


Exactly. Me too…


Lots of likes :sunny:.

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There is nothing wrong with welcoming new members. I love to hear I’m welcome in a new place.

Also, I’m too stupid to act nice. I am nice. Acting gives you away sooner or later. I like being nice, it makes me feel good.


It makes me feel good to be kind to others. There was a period in my life where it was all about me. Now i genuinely like to help others and wish others well, especially when they are feeling down


Thank you everyone for your posts. Reading them has made me realize how narrow my horizons have become through this mistrust of others. I’m not sure what I can do about it, but it can’t hurt to know how limiting this is and to look for ways out of the tunnel as I go along.

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I don’t like cliche` statements, and I can usually anticipate when they will come.

One I really don’t like is “I’ll pray for you” when you have a need that is physical or can be helped by action. In fact the Bible warns against doing that and says take the action to help if you have the means to.

the “I’m sorry” one when someone dies or you have a big loss or disaster is kind of stupid…I was even in a fellowship one time that taught against saying that and the members never said it…they would rather say something like…“that’s awefull, I hope you get through this…” or something like that.


In RI we say: “The insincere gesture of friendliness is better than the sincere gesture of hostility.”

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idk about this one, i try my best is all i can say

i dont really know what to say about this except i guess it is hard to trust people sometimes especially if you are sz or paranoid etc, the brain warns you of danger when there is none then even if someone says something like ‘have a nice day’ you might think they mean have a bad day and that they were not being truthful because people are bad and its a trick or something.

I think people are being nice here because we have all struggled from this illness, and have a understanding of difficulties. Good vibes Jeff