Paying my boyfriend back (pt. 2- TW)

DX'd - Other
1

I messaged my ex-boyfriend asking him to give me his paypal number to pay him back the 500 dollars.
I did it! Now, it’s a process for me to be free from the debt I owe him.

But I’m going to have a panic attack just waiting for his message. If he never responds, I don’t have a way of paying him back. I just want to cut myself really deep and slice my wrists. I don’t deserve to stay alive after all the bad things I’ve done to him.

I’ve done it but everything in my body is telling me to cut. To punish myself. To ruin myself and ruin my body, ruin my soul, ruin everything for the disgusting things I’ve done to him.

I’m a terrible person. I made my boyfriend suffer.

I guess this life is like living purgatory of some sort. But I’ll take the punishment gladly.

I ruin people. I ruin others.

I just really want to cut.

2

So are you going to pay back in installments?

3

No, one time payment.
He has to reply back to me first.
I don’t know anything about his bank account or anything, and I forgot his address completely.

4

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