I have a friend that constantly goes on these political rants, which disgusts me to begin with. I hate the topic, and I’ve made no bones about making it clear my feelings on the topic.
I cannot count the number of times I have bit my tongue, simply to avoid an argument. Our views on nature conservation and many others, are radically different and it does not seem likely we would ever meet in the middle. He is simply too extreme in his views
The problem comes that now when watching a nature documentary for example, I can hear his voice in my head discounting its validity, for the sake of financial profit. Instead of enjoying the documentary for what it is, I can only imagine an argument with him in my head
The question now is, how to end these ridiculous rants on his part, without ending the friendship. I should mention, he is the father of my Goddaughter so ditching out is not an option
And no, this is not a political thread. Please don’t treat it as such, it is simply the reality of what I have to deal with between a friend and I
That sounds it could be difficult!! If he’s in your head like that. What could be controversial about a nature documentary. Lol you don’t have to say. But as it comes to dealing with him, Id try to validate his opinion if u can. Without sacrificing mine. Try to find a middle ground if possible
Like something u feel u can relate to both
Or just change the subject
If you could destroy him in an argument you could always consider that but maybe it’s hard sometimes with know it all’s even if you’re sure of your opinion.
It is difficult at times, I won’t lie to you LOL. With the nature documentary, for instance, he would call anyone who gives a flying s*** about the natural world a tree hugger. How that ever became a negative, I’m not sure. Hugging a tree sounds pretty awesome to me. To him, he only sees the profit in mowing It to the Ground
I know what you’re saying, to find some Middle Ground we agree on is an approach I employ quite frequently. But since his views are so extreme at times, and he’s so adamant about it, it’s hard to find anything we agree on.
I could easily mow him into the ground like you said, but it would likely be the end of the friendship. I love the guy like a brother, but I absolutely loathe his views at times
It makes me wonder that I am being too passive, but it is also because he is so extremely bullheaded. It’s a delicate line
This is a tricky situation. What i have done in the past with pepple is make a blanket “if you start talking about this topic, I will end the conversation” policy. Any time the person starts talking about it, I say “I understand you want to share your views, but I don’t want to hear them. We can talk about something else, or I can walk away [or hang up, go home, etc] and talk to you again tomorrow.” And then, if they keep talking about it, I say, “okay, talk to you tomorrow, bye!” And stop interacting until tomorrow.
With my mom, she really hated this policy, so I employed a slightly different tactic. Any time she started a subject I would give one warning. If she continued, I would make a tea kettle screech every time she spoke until she finally stopped, then I would start a new conversation on the topic of recipes. But I seriously don’t recommend this tactic on anyone who doesn’t already feel obligated to keep talking to you.
Thatcs the trouble with setting boundaries. When you aren’t used to it, you end up feeling guilty and not actually enforcing the boundary. But that sends the message that you don’t actually care, and are just joking about the boundary. It is super hard to follow through on walking away when you say you’re going to. But it is also important.
I think you’ve hit the nail right on the head. It is extremely awkward and uncomfortable 4 me to set boundaries such as that and stick with them.
I have cut him off in mid-sentence before, as well as other attempts to make it clear, but I need to be more diligent in applying this boundary. I think I am afraid of pissing people off, but it is for my betterment
I have the exact same problem with my ex. Whenever he gets started I am just rudely a bad listener. I have made it clear I think he’s insane and actually get upset but still he goes on his rants so I just tune him out till he’s done. I don’t engage, don’t argue, don’t try to change him, don’t feel responsible to educate him, don’t any longer feel embarrassed by him, try not to worry about him, I just let him rant and tune him out. When he’s all done I rejoin the conversation. By not adding fuel to the fire he usually burns himself out a lot faster.
When I first started doing it, some people appreciated it. Some people told me I was turning into a really selfish jerk.
One of the keys is remembering that setting a boundary is about your own behavior, not someone else’s. You can’t control whether your friend goes on rants. What you can control is your response to them.
I can relate @Leaf . This is the approach I have adopted with him as well. I simply ignore him until he’s done. But it winds up leaving such a sour taste in my mouth, I feel I need a different approach
And thanks for your wise words once again @ninjastar