I have a hard time being around people, especially strangers. I feel like there’s a cabal of them conspiring to destroy my life. The antipsychotic medication I take help cancel out most of these thoughts and delusions.
Yesterday, I was in a wooded area by my house and just the presence of another stranger in the woods clearing his throat in an abrasive way nearly set me off, so I walked home immediately. My brother told me the stranger was just a worker who was doing construction on a neighbor’s house and he was taking a break.
Earlier today, I called the pharmacy and asked when one of my meds was ready. I asked when it would be ready and mumbled 11pm while laughing as though he was in on some kind of joke I would be the butt of. I said excuse me? After clearing his throat, he told me the time.my meds would be ready. I said thank you, bye. He repeated my words verbatim then hung up. I think he was trying to make my life miserable.
I do what I can to avoid people and stay mostly in my room. I don’t even bother to make friends anymore. I just don’t trust them. At a doctor’s office, I feel strangers there, I could see they may have been from my past watching and judging me. I don’t care what they think, but it still bothers me. The COVID-19 mask mandate is a mixed blessing for that. Now I always wear my mask when I go out.
I sometimes wish I could have someone to talk to other than my family, psychiatrist, and my therapist. It’s hard because I don’t trust anyone and I generally don’t leave in the house, sometimes living in fear.
Anyone else feel like this, at least sometimes?