I’m struggling, I’m supposed to challenge my main thoughts what they call delusions with cbt by myself, now these one ps are the ones that have been with me since the start… I decided to challenge them because I thought it was what was expected and what I should do considering they still take over my life and I’m worried people will get fed up with me when I lose insight to them whenever I get stressed.
But I have a heap of evidence for them but barely any evidence against I’m still symptomatic which encourages them, at night I’m going to different dimensions I can’t stop it, I’m seeing shadow people and the other night a child under a sheet with his arms outspread appeared at the door of my room I knew they wanted me to look under the sheet, I knew it was malicious because afterwards I heard the devils footsteps in the corridor I was wide awake when this happened and the footsteps have been happening ever since so it wasn’t a dream. I know at Halloween a child under a sheet wouldn’t appear malicious but at 2am in a locked house then yes, it is malicious.
I think my problem is I can explain this with my main thoughts, I can explain what happens that many wouldn’t understand. It’s the only sense I’ve ever had in my life and I’m scared, I don’t want to challenge them, they give me purpose and explanation, nothin p ever made sense until I became psychotic. I know some people can just recover after their break or work really hard to challenge, and can do so, but this is causing a dread so deep it blackens my heart, voices get worse and is it really a coincidence the minute I stop doubting the implant that the whole of my left side becomes physically problematic and the implant is on my right side. My whole leg is getting stiffer by the week.
I thought this was what I wanted, to be rid of them, but it turns out I don’t really… Anyone else been here? I feel in limbo.