Pain interfering with success

There is no reason to wonder why we’re not more successful. Because pain is the reason.

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That and distractions @Jayster said that schizophrenia is a disease of distractions and I agreed with that for quite a while.

But yeah, I feel like you’re right too. Good post chordy.

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Even when I get little successes, I barely feel the fulfillment.

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Sz>Tired>Uneployed>Homeless>Back on knees>Circle repeats.

Storry of my life, good on you people who manages what not.

I think the main reason is ; we’re always deep in our thoughts rather than living in the moment… aka, we always thinking about something, even when we’re doing something.

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I call it tense thinking because I think if we could relax are thoughts would be about something else.

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That’s so true! That and distractions and pain…sums it up.
I barely feel like I even exist in the same space as those around me.

I was listening to classical music yesterday and thinking about when I was a kid. Some people really believed I was going to be successful pianist when I grew up. I was gifted. I thought to myself “what the heck happened to me???” And it’s like part of my brain was damaged/removed along the way.
This somewhat invisible malady is so incredibly destructive and debilitating.

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Yes, but how realistic was it to hope to become a successful pianist. There are very few jobs available for them. I always heard things like “Pianists have to spend 8 hours a day practicing.” and “Good pianists are a dime a dozen.” It was wreckful of me to not plan my future better.

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True. But I think that’s just the most extreme example of my life’s failures. I don’t even play the piano anymore.
I had the ability (supposedly) and the opportunity to achieve more in this life. Instead, looking back, there’s one train wreck after another. I wasn’t on drugs, I wasn’t in jail, or otherwise literally held back. So what was this invisible force pushing me down every time I was supposed to get up and do something?
It’s “ok”. My life could certainly be worse. Maybe it was the extremely high expectations that allowed me to achieve mundane normalcy in my case?

I don’t know why I got mentally ill either. Some doctors think they have all the answers but they really don’t have a clue. I’m just thankful I’m off the streets and not running as far or as fast as I did a lot of my life. Buried injuries surfacing prove to me that my parents and I didn’t deal with the bad experiences but tried to gloss over them as not significant. A leg injuries, a head injuries, they both made a horrible influence on my life and yet were never mentioned.

I can relate to that in some ways. I grew up believing my mom when she said our family was better than everyone else. I think she really believed that. But the truth was/is that my family was heavily screwed-up and a lot of abuse/trauma and neglect was swept under the rug. What a mess when you lift that rug up.
I’m glad you’re doing better, @chordy. I hope you have a sense of peace now after all the running. :heart:

Thanks, @Hedgehog. That reminds me of one of my student’s mothers lifting up the cushion of my sofa to look for something she’d lost and the mess of dirt, coins and what not she found. I was so embarrassed.
But, I never even wanted to get out of bed, let alone do good housekeeping. It is a little better now because I know more what I’m up against. Before, I was numb struck. Now, I think to myself “I think I hurt.” because it is true.

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