Opinions on a letter I’m debating on sending

You stood your dying grandmother up on Christmas night to go hang out with friends, probably getting drunk and high.

Don’t you see the problem here?

Doesn’t it bother you that you’re pushing away your biggest support system, Hurting her?

Drinking in the mornings, doing coke and wanting DMT?

Pissing off every family member due to your own unresolved issues you refuse to face like an adult.

I faced my addiction and fought it. I faced my mental Illness and am recovering. Wtf are you doing?

You use daily, it interferes with your life. You’re fine with that? Are you that sick?

Your mental Illness is interfering with your life, and you refuse to even acknowledge it, self medicate, and leave a path of destruction in your wake. That’s ok with you?

You have ADD or ADHD, get on medication and get some therapy, get into rehab and quit being so damn selfish.

Grow up Alecia. This is the reason you fear having no one, because you treat your own family like ■■■■ and you know that you really don’t deserve us in your life.

You do nothing but take and hurt people, selfish little child. I refuse to have someone In my life that’s as toxic as you.

When Doris dies don’t come crying to me because you ■■■■■■ up left and right and it left you with unresolved abandonment issues.

Family doesn’t do what you are so easily capable of. That’s why you’re going to be alone, because In the end, everyone gets sick of your ■■■■■■■■, and you refuse to do anything to change that. To better yourself.

TLDR, get into rehab,therapy, get on some proper medication for your Illness, you’re toxic. Don’t come crying for help from me, I don’t want that ■■■■■■■■ in my life unless you get help. You lost those privileges when you stood up Doris. I see how you treat family. You have a ■■■■■■ up idea of what “love” is

PS. Names have been changed for safety

1 Like

Sending it to my 33 year old drug using cousin who stood her grandmother up on Christmas.

I’m furious with her, and want to share with her my feelings, seeing as she’s been calling for my help over the past two weeks

She does nothing but seek justification and minimize her actions impact on people

Should I send it? Change things? Need input.

If a person needs help, they need help.

No point in cussing and swearing at them.

Try to be assertive and positive as possible about the situation …


Here’s the thing, sending this letter wont help. Most addicts are fully aware that what they do is messed up, and this letter could cause her to go deeper into addiction. It sounds like you need to vent and take your frustrations out, but nothing constructive would come from sending this letter.

I would rewrite it saying that you are cutting off contact until she seeks help for her substance abuse. You’re writing this out of anger, and you have every right to be angry, but it wont help you to feel better if you send as is.


I agree with @Squanchy. Alecia is probably well aware she’s doing horrible things. But more guilt won’t be the magic key to her realizing she needs help. It will only reinforce the idea that everyone hates her and she’s beyond redemption. If you just want to guilt trip her, it serves that purpose. If you’re hoping to help her realize she needs help, maybe tell her steps she can take that would lead to you wanting her around again. Like “if you’re in rehab, clean for x amount of time, apologize and go see your grandma” that kind of stuff.

You have every right to be angry. But don’t just spread the misery around.


@DNA @Squanchy @Ninjastar

Thank you three, you’ve given me perspective beyond my anger. I’ll try another tactic when I’ve slept on it.

This is why I wanted input from my peers, I’m definitely writing it from anger. It also pisses me off she asked me to take care of her when her grandmother dies.

Cheers you three. Thank you again


Sleep on it.

When @Ninjastar banned me (twice!) I wanted to make a bunch of accounts and spam the place.
But I didnt.

:orange_heart: :green_heart: :heart: :purple_heart:

Take some time to cool off and then think about what you want to do.

I agree with @Squanchy and @Ninjastar. This letter will only make it worse. Try to calm down first and speak from love instead of anger that sounds like hate (even if it isn’t).

I didn’t end up sending it, I didn’t even contact her. I’ve calmed down now. And am glad I asked for opinions.

It was rash of me to think of sending it. But I admit writing it out was cathartic. Got a lot out.


Cathartic letters are great! They let you get it all out. I’m just as glad you wrote It as I am that you didn’t send it :). Good job!!!


Bill W., co-founder of AA, used to say that a bit of heated letter writing could be a good thing provided a waste paper basket was nearby.


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