One of those days

Do you ever just have one of those days where you just want to be left alone to be delusional even though you know you’re being delusional? Like, just let me spiral for a minute! I’ll get back on track tomorrow.

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There is this person who is connected with my delusions and featured in my hallucinations. Thinking of them makes me happy even though I should leave the thought alone. Sometimes when I think about that, I don’t listen to myself when I yell at me to stop. But I do a really good job of leaving them alone. I know that is what they want.

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I need people to acknowledge my delusion as true, so it’s a bit tougher being alone with it. I just want people to be honest with me.

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I guess I sort of have the same thing. I really want one to validate me, but everyone just blows me off as crazy even if there’s merit in what I’m saying.

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I think it is because people try to logic the problem away. They think they can convince you it is a delusion by verbally beating it out of you. Instead they should be compassionate and help you work it out on your own.

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I’d like a day to just be crazy. Without judgement or repercussions. But unfortunately

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Yes! Wouldn’t it just be nice to not have to pretend for a while? Ugh. The pretending is so exhausting.

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You said it my friend!! It’s a pain to try to act “normal” all the time

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Me, literally right now :+1:

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It’s happened 4 times now that I’ve felt someone brush against my hand and then I would hear my son laughing and sort of whisper/talk, but I can’t quite figure out what he’s saying. I’ll pay more attention next time. I know he has a message for me. I just need to listen.

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As satisfying as it is to spiral down into this delusion,

Its not healthy.

You need to pull it together and try to keep in reality.

What happened to your father flying out so that you could go to the hospital?

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He went on a bike trip with a friend instead. He said if he had time he could stop by for a few days. He’s going to the Grand Canyon (from Indiana), so I’m not really on his way so I doubt he’ll make it out here.

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That’s kind of shitty,

Sorry it didn’t work out.

How’s your sleep?

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I told my clinician about hearing him laughing and she just said it must be comforting. And, I mean, it definitely is. But it’s a little too comforting. I don’t want to be that crazy lady setting a place at the table for my ghost son.

But I don’t really want him to go away, either. I need to know what he’s trying to tell me.

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Same as always. About 2-3 hours a night. Though last night I got like 5 hours because I was having a good dream and I kept taking more and more Klonopin to go back to sleep. It didn’t work, though. The good feeling never came back.

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That’s terrible.

You’re suffering extreme exhaustion, @LED.

I’d be in the hospital if I tried to run on the amount of sleep you do,

Anyone would.

Maybe you can work out another hospital plan,

Talk to your clinician and see if its possible to just go to the hospital for a couple days to figure out this sleep thing.

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I see my PCP on the 30th and I’m going to ask for another sleep study.

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Do you think it’s possible he’s trying to warn me of something? What if something is about to happen to baby LED and he’s trying to warn me? I hop you he comes back soon so I can try to hear again.

I can’t imagine what you are going through. But try to let go of what is probably a hallucination. Your son will not mind. It will not hurt him and it will not end up with you getting hurt. It is okay and things can be okay. Just breathe, relax, and focus on something else.