so my cc recommended me to see psychologist to see what else the service im using can help me, i agreed and saw her last week.
the meeting went okay i guess but some of the stuff we talked about is still stuck with me.
one of the things was voices, which i said i have under control, i rarely hear them (maybe once or twice since i been at uni) and when i do its more paranoid than anything else, like myself putting words into sounds and when my mood isnt the best.
then we talked about my mood, how ive suffered with depression for a long time, how im dealing with it now, how my moods dropped during the course of my year. ive told her i just deal with it and get on with what i need to do. she said that something we could work on would be getting to the root of why i get low and it must be tough for me. my response to that was life is tough, i dont want to complain so i just get on with it.
it then went onto how i havent told anyone about my illness and what i been through, and im on my own with noone to talk to. and my response to that was after im no longer with the service and in the future i will be on my own anyway so i just get on with it. she said something along the lines of, how i put up a wall and im not mentioning everything…i responded if i relapse and go down, i dont want to bring someone ive told down with me or something like that.
from that she asked me what about finding a gf, and my response was like, ‘yea, of course i want one, but then id have to tell her about my illness sza-d’, how i worry if i tell her whether or not id be accepted. then i was told how i see myself as ‘two people’: whoami and whami w/ sza.
so yea, im going to be having a few sessions of therapy starting next week and see how it goes. was told im compliant and i said i just dont want to get to the level of how i was before, so if something is suggested to me i will do it.
another thing id like to say is i havent told anyone about my illness irl, but i have here and im glad and thankful ive found this forum.