I had this petty notion it might help me. I went to the casino with my friend, and spent $100 and he spent like $50 I ended up winning a lot and had $170 and then spent it all with him. I have been thinking about money, how the trap of it makes us dependent. How success should not be measured by a figure and that wealth is not really a status just a status symbol. I would rather not have to use money, but be successful and happy with what I do. I’m not concerned with a paycheck, just happiness and success. Money has made me depressed and lack thereof. Being in west virginia, my dad is having finance issues, the house being sold and the pool eventually filled with cement.
Money ruins people. Monetary wealth just puts you into a shallow shell. I’m tired of it. I hate it. I hate being put down because I don’t have a job right now. I hate being put down. It makes me not want to work. I’m so beaten down by my family for degrading me. I suggested to someone a business idea “get a real job” like “working at 711 or mcdonalds” this is what culture has done to America this is what a militarized culture is doing. People are getting sick, ending up with conditions due to medications. I’m proud of not being on medication, or doing drugs, or drinking. because Im not a successful businesswoman I’m set at a lower status. despite my skills and intelligence. I’m finding it hard to navigate a system of depression.
Success is not measured by wealth. Remember that. No one can tell you how successful you are or what your gifts or strengths or weaknesses are. People will degrade you, tell you that you are schizophrenic but that doesn’t mean you don’t have a right to advocate for yourself and to informed consent. I demanded informed consent. I refuse to be categorized, and for this they simply lie about me and also take. A lot of people take because that, to them, is their measure of success to benefit on the misfortune of others. I kind of want to become a doctor or trauma therapist. I want to help people with PTSD and actual illnesses, I already helped my friend so much. He had a lot of issues. His mother may not accept me, but the rest of his family does and knows how much I care.
I’ve decided not to ever gamble again. I don’t need money to solve my problems. My grandma is dying of cancer, and people are getting sick everywhere. But all I feel I need is my faith, strength and devotion to my true purpose. That’s all I need. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have a special destiny or purpose on earth.