I think I really ■■■■■■ up this weekend and now I am feeling very paranoid. I went to this party on Friday night and did some things I probably shouldnt have done. Im feeling pretty depressed about it. I feel lile it would be so easy for me to spin out of control again. I am feeling very off the edge.
I’m pretty much the same way. I’m going to talk to my psychiatrist about increasing my meds next month. Maybe you could talk to your doctor about meds too if things don’t improve.
What did you do at the Party that was so bad? Quite often us Sz types second-guess our actions the morning after a night of social engagement. It’s not unusual for you to feel this way. I do it all of the time.
I took mdma and did coke which i never have done and never plan to do again. Had a 4 someone with my friend. It was bad and it was out of control… i recognize my dangerouse actions but I really struggle with my impulsivity. 
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Yea i am pretty sure I missed my last appointment I reallg struggle to remeber them and can never remember where I wrote it down. I have to book another one bht I hate makibg appoubtments so I always put it off…
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There were times when I was drinking that I would find out what I did the night before the next day. They’d tell me all the crazy things I had done, and I’d be saying, “Oh God, I did that?!” If you want to quit drugs you have to do it for yourself. Personally, I got tired of the hangovers and finding out the crazy ■■■■ I did the night before.
Yea luckily I remember everything and I usually steer well away from that ■■■■. Just a mishap but even still once is dangerouse enough I gotta keep even fartger away since my impulsivity is worse than i thought. I got goals I wamt to reach.
It’s good to hear you say that. Things like that provide anchors in your life. Personally, all my goals have always been way off, distant, over the horizon. I wish I’d had enough insight into my illness when I was young to go after the type of job that would keep me even though I was mentally ill.
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@Serene just stay away from coke parties and you will be able to stay away from the edge.
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Yea In some ways I am pretty lucky since my day job really works well for me. Just enough freedom and enough discipline for a nice balance. Also if I am not feeling as well on certain fays I can make up my work on other days. Leaves me lots of time to work on my bigger picture. If anything peoole say my goals are too big and extreme but I do truly believe anything is possible if you put your mind to it. I have to have a perfect balance of proper eating, sleep, medication and excersize to be productive. I need to be careful and steer clear of bad distractions sonce it is so easy for me to ho off the edge and get crazy again.
Right easier said than done. The industry I am getting into its pretty rampant. Though I am usually pretty good for making sound decisions but that night I was very tired and drunk so if I am in that situation again I will just call a cab and go home earlier since the risks arent worth it.
You can’t change what happened, try to let it go, your disappointment will go away in time. Next time just you know be more moderate and decisive, you know chill and what not.
Hope your well- Cj
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