Yeap, i just was on youtube with some videos about how to deal after the death of a beloved one by suicide and for the first time in my life, i shared in the comments my story etc…
The thing is , that i probably shouldnt have done that, my situation is way too special…
I think, that my comment was immediately erased, i shared that i am a schizophrenic and that I wonder, if i could have helped my nephew more…
What now if someone follows me and maybe can judge me hardly even?
Thats it in general for now…
I was dumb, i thought, that youtube is a safe place, i didnt know that they delete comments…
I just wonder if i did something wrong…
Maybe to admit, that you are a schizophrenic can trigger someone, i dont know…
Maybe i wont have a private answer, but i really should have kept it more private…
I think, that i still can share here a bit, i hope its okay still…
Oh, the rest, the depakote gives me even a bit more reason and it calms down now, but as now, i did this total brat thing to overshare on youtube gosh…
I fear, that my family can find this, my guilt is maybe to be kept only for myself too, yeah…
I fear even the police tbh, because i didnt do enough for my nephew, thats it in fact right now…
Can something like that happen to me now?
I mean the police, some judgement…
Gosh…
Around this tragedy, i told to myself, that i’ll keep embracing the faith in life and love in this life, but if i’ll be emprisoned now, lol, its even hilarious maybe the police now…
Stay cool honey bunny..
It’s normal reaction.
It happens to me often…
What happens to you often?
To think, that the police is after you?
I really shouldnt have shared this on youtube lol…
Yes, that police will come for crossing street on red,bc of cameras
It’s called paranoia…
Really?
You dont lie to me now zoa?
You know me, i was avoidant, but i cant blame myself anymore for that…
I was totally unhappy only on the zyprexa still…
Ok, but now, someone noticed me on youtube, i hope that its just the owner of the clip and its not the police…
If they’ll turn me off youtube too, itll be crazy sheesh…
Yeah…
I hear you for your paranoia, tbh with are a bit alike on it now lol…
I never lie,it happens for multiple reasons…
Like my neighbours will suit me for something.
Stay cool, bye
Did i make you angry in some way now, @zoa?
Ok, yes, i am sorry, that am thrown into the paranoia now…
I got tired, they say, that the fear usually tires, but i’ll try to calm myself down now gosh…
No,I had things to do.
Sorry…
It’s okay. I don’t think what you posted on YouTube will matter. I hope you feel better. Try to breathe and relax. 
I’m paranoid now that because i took the gun and gave it to hospital security that I’m going to be arrested for being a mentally ill person in possession of a gun. It’s a federal felony but the case manager said she doubts they’ll prosecute it because they have bigger fish to fry. Idk…I’m still paranoid about the police now.
I think a lot of people have said stuff on social media they regret. I have. I just had to learn to stop.
No need to stress, it’s normal
Maybe they deleted your post because you are classified as a vulnerable person. YouTube can be a judgemental place so maybe for the best…
Relax…
Your comment will get lost in a sea of other comments…then simply disappear into thin air. Nothing will come of this, I’m quite sure.
It looks like it was already removed anyways…so nothing to worry about.