Nothing is fine with me

ive never been pretty cause I was hating myself since little…I was mean too,sometimes aggressive…and now is this illness. the boy who was visitng me told me that he doesn’t know anymore how ill gonna to survive because I don’t look fine and out there the men are looking for the best… I wasn’t taking this seriously before but now I think of it…and yes,nothing is fine with me. I can barely go out of the bed…and the bad effects from my meds are here already…
my pdoc wants me to try this- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sertindole
she says its less harmfull than the another aps…
but maybe I can do it on 5 mg of zyprexa besides the numbness.maybe it can go away with the months as Minnie says?
yes, I think few people took so few care of themselves even being schizophrenics…I had my narcicstic period but its over now…but my ex pdoc tried on me every existing ap and the damages are here I think…yeah.i still wanna live but I am scared now that it will be tough with this illness…

Maybe you can get on an ap that is less harsh than Zyprexa. The time I spent on Zyprexa was pretty gray. Find out all you can about alternative ap’s. I don’t think there is any magic bullet. I know from experience that there is no med. that is going to make me outgoing and charming. As for men wanting the best, maybe you are the best, to them.

yes crimby,thanks for the answer :slightly_smiling:
yeah,you are right,i don’t look anymore for the right med…I just see that without aps,i am really anguished,cant stay calm etc etc… I have the dumbness problem already without meds but probably it can be arranged with time… ive heard from some pdocs that they don’t like zyprexa cause it makes people more stupid that they were… but it calms me quite well… and my pdoc is right, I should not have highs goals, that’s life :slight_smile: probably this is valid in love also :slight_smile:

you are perfect for someone. know it. stop lying to yourself. Be happy ok?

sorry Anna…all I can say is I finally found the right med for me (prolixin) and life is meaningful again. good luck on finding the right meds for you. I hope you find happiness in life.

About what that guy that was visiting said, all men aren’t looking for the same thing and what exactly is the best anyway?

Not that I judge much at all on looks but you know what really grabs my attention which I rarely see these days? Is disheveled beauty, like natural looks (I’m not talking super model looks) but no attempt whatsoever to accentuate it, it’s like when I’ve described this I’ve heard “That’s what I look like the second I get out of bed” Exactly, that’s it. I don’t know why.

As for the meds, I’m on zyprexa too (well technically) stopped because of the weight gain, I’m already fat enough as it is. It’s a constant struggle and it can be a living hell. But I’ve always read you’re posts because I can usually relate.

thank you guys. ill see my doc in one week, ill talk to her if I switch my med… zyprexa calms me which is good. I don’t pace etc but I still don’t have a desire for anything…plus,it makes me fat,yes…I am too sensitive to all meds but maybe I can try this sertindole,well see :slight_smile: