i hurt someone close today by threatening to kill myself, and i feel awful about it.
the problem is i can’t tell what’s real anymore, i’m not sure if the people in my life are real and genuine. i feel like i cant trust anybody, and people are hurt as a result of this. it’s like i’m depersonalized and i dont give af about loved one’s feelings when i express this.
Deep down i do care, but i find it hard to cry or show any emotion. I guess there is some emotion still left inside me if i feel utterly shattered thinking about what i’d be leaving behind, and stepping into a much more lonely unknown.
I just want to trust my family and loved ones again, and it scares me to think that i could just be completely empty of any feelings. All i feel is constant paranoia and sometimes i think i hallucinate people talking behind my back, sniggering, and even weird auditory hallucinations of friends/family saying some stuff that really gets under my skin, some really personal s*** and things i fear.
I am so sorry you feel down enough to threaten to kill yourself…suicide doesn’t do any good…it’s always a mistake…life is full of promise but you have to be patient…that advice doesn’t probably sound very good…but I had two attempts and I can tell you I’m glad I never was successful at suicide…I found life to be happy now…so glad I didn’t do it.
I think it’s important that you’re able to tell a trusted friend or family member if you’re having suicidal thoughts. They can provide you with emotional support and get you to the doctor or hospital before you act on your suicidal thoughts.
You need to tell all of this to a psychiatrist and not us.
telling someone was never really a difficult thing for me,
i think my biggest problem now that much of my delusions have manifested, is that i find it hard to feel the authenticity behind someone’s word.
i can barely look at a person anymore without questioning if they’re out to get me, or if they’re actually for real.
When that happened to me, someone really was “out to get me”. My mistake was misidentifying that person ( “she’d never do that to me”) and blaming my family and friends. Maybe you can catch yourself making a transference so you can again trust your family.
Hey, I’m really sorry to hear about the difficulty your illness is causing you. I think it may be that you still have emotions perhaps because of the hallucinations you’re unwilling to show them. It makes perfect sense. If you think someone is trying to hurt you why would you be open to them? Therefore you’re not a bad person for not expressing emotion, but there’s an illness that’s leading you towards being this way. Don’t beat yourself up… You are loved by God and he wants you to be healthy. I’m trying to take small steps toward being healthier and I think all people should if it’s impacting them beyond a reasonable degree.
I think you should do what it takes to get rid of the hallucinations and then you’ll be able to trust people. How can you trust someone if your brain is injured and telling you they want to hurt you. You have to fight the delusions, but perhaps it’s best to fight them according to wisdom rather than by your own strength. If you can route out the hallucinations then I think it may be that the negative symptoms may stop when you come to realize that they were genuinely not real through therapy, self-reflection etc.
Suicide hurts people around you.
Hope you feel better and find reasons to live.
It’s tough. I used it to think about it all the time.
For me finding new activities and just realising that you really only get one life. May as well make the best of it.
i kinda figured there may be a few people in my life that could be “out to get me” or something like that, but i think that it could be i often allow myself to get into bad situations or would do something for a person out of generosity yet take a punch back in the face for not paying attention to what that person may be trying to get out of me.
sad thing is that people know that someone who is mentally ill can be easily manipulated sometimes.
@weeping_swans, I spent 33 years not knowing what was real. I feel for you. Tell your psychiatrist everything that you just told us.
I died uncountable times. You will be dragged in the same situation over and over again till you learned the lesson of it to move on. The reward is the solution.
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