Its hard thinking about it. I have a stupid drivers license test on Thursday (the third attempt) and I am sick of it already. I don’t give a ■■■■ about driving. And on Friday my husband and I have to go to a big family function - lunch with crowds of people. Right at this moment I want to avoid people, their presence tires and overwhelms me. Just thinking about these two things - and even merely going to the shops - puts me in a state of depression and thinking about ending it all. Is that all there is to life - after the beautiful simple things in life that give you joy, it has to be snatched away with stupid things to do and overwhelming tasks? It’s like giving a gift and snatching it away. I can’t seem to cope with the difficulties in life, simple things give me joy and other simple things give me such sorrow. What about the big trials in life if I can’t even handle the little ones? I feel so incapacitated, and poor hubby doesn’t know what to do with me. I feel so irritable I want to explode in anger over the smallest things, especially at myself, wanting to harm myself. And I feel like crying, but no tears come, because I’m so dead already. Is this all there is to life? Living with mental illness is so hard.
I can identify with a lot of what you say. I do the same things. It sounds to me like you are awfulizing. If you dig in and study it shouldn’t be that hard to get your driver’s liscence. You might even enjoy the family function. Even if you don’t, it doesn’t have to be horrible.
- There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so. -
Yes its true, I am very negative and tend to awfulise things. Pity, there is more to life than what I think.