Sorry it’s hard at first.
I’ve been there and done that.
I can say that my life went like this:
Wondering away, friend/family in other states.
Went to college, joined ball leagues, began highly athletic risk management businesses, and I assume that success at this would re-establish link with the family which would help settle the scz problems significantly.
Family disowns me, and I had dreams of reuniting proudly with my business destroyed. I could never trust them again the rest of my life, and I knew it.
Changed business occupation to an at home based one with more financial upside than anything else.
All those years I was working 80-100 hours a week trying to get ahead as fast as possible both for my future and running from a life of scz that may never stop if I don’t achieve things while I’m still young.
Finally I’m doing well, and I try to contact old school friends and such, but none reply. Family bridges are burnt. My girlfriend of 5 years breaks up. Only friend in the state I’m in burns bridge, and I’m stuck with scz and 100% nobody except my self taught career.
I can tell you it is like being beaten hard with something called “life.” It’s unbearable and frightening. The only thing I had all these years to hold onto have been my business careers.
So figure what is possible about that. On one hand I could have had the same old boring family and same old boring friends, or I could have whole new life that they could never dream is possible for them finding all the new people I could ever want, and learning all kinds of things I would have never known if it were not for being driven by scz.
It’s kind of like I set sail for “the new world” when I was young, was tossed around by a storm, stranded on an island that was burning and sinking at the same time, and I couldn’t possibly go back. It was all of the way or nothing, but I didn’t have a ship to ride in. I had to swim it.
As crazy as that sounds that is what I did. Well, you gotta figure that after swimming your damn best all of those years that you can do things that surprise even yourself. That bodes well for you when you reach land, right? Not just another hum drum pear basket that washed into port on the last routine drop off from the parent world. Nope, a genuine castaway stray that had it out with pirates, fought morbid hell bender storms, and wound up in the top class of society knowing alllllll kinds of stuff.
Not a chance anyone would ever work to achieve all of that like that in such few years unless they were BURNING. It’s just not possible. And scz burns.
I looked at it like this starting back when my head was still spinning. There’s no one on this side of the wall for me, and there’s no use going back. But deep under the water is the bottom of the wall, and if I swim way deep down there, and I come up on the other side, there’s a secret world that no one on this side of the wall ever knew how to get to.
So either I’m absolutely lonely 100% forcing me to dive to those extreme depths that only lonely people can achieve, or I got my family, friends, and a cozy buffoon all fluffy with rosy cheeks snuggled in the rest of my life.
Everyone else is and was doing the latter one. I was doing the former one.
So now I’m set for life.
I hope you take something from this.