Non-stop suffering

Anyone on this site suffer non stop day and night, I’m preoccupied by my illness.
I can’t feel any pleasure at all and that ■■■■ hurts!
Not to mention the constant worry and negativity around being crazy. My self esteem took a huge hit from this illness. I’ve been having difficulty connecting with people and not quite sure if it’s the meds or me. I am on lamictal and I’ve talked to other people who have taken it that simply said it wasn’t for them. I don’t know, stop the lamictal, stop the latuda stop the Prozac?? Damn man I’ve been a lot of things in my life but never have I felt so creepy and wierd. Maybe I’m a little creepy and wierd from the psychosis now or maybe it’s the medication. I would like to think it’s the medication and not me.

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I feel really creepy and weird too, but I blame schizophrenia for it.

I think my family finds me creepy and weird and it goes without saying that I think work colleagues and strangers in the street do as well.

It’s a horrible feeling. I feel excluded from normal life.

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Try 24 surveillance with radiation assault

Get back to me

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I get it man… I’ve felt that a lot lately :frowning:

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I’m sorry you feel that way too @anon84763962. It’s no fun. But coming from a mans perspective it’s a lot harder for a girl to be a creepy turnoff than a guy.
The thing that worries me is that I used to just feel creepy about my episodes but I still had a good heart. Now I feel creepy in spirit, or crazy in spirit of that makes any sense. I’m sure neither of us are as creepy as we think. And I think that the meds make us creepier than we really are. I’ve seen homeless people that are unmediated that look more normal than I do. I put a vibe out there like “don’t talk to me I’m crazy”. It’s terrible. Like a bad bug out. My mind wants to talk to people but my heart has serious second thoughts about everything I do. Wonder if that made any sense.

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I’m sorry you deal with that ■■■■. I get that when I’m in the midst of a psychotic break but not all the time. That only happens if I don’t take meds for like a year but I can relate. They really need to help us out, nobody should have to live with this.

What I do is turn the relatively benign problem of ordinary boredom to something like “existential dread”. It makes my suffering worse. I think it is healthy to blame most of your difficulties on your illness and your med’s. Otherwise, you can get caught up in those self torture games that can wear you down.

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I agree @crimby. It’s hard to tell the difference between general discomfort and something that the illness is doing. I think you hit the nail on the head. The only problem, is that I can’t live with this illness anymore. The past has been too much to handle and the only promise for the future is more suffering.
That’s where I’m dwelling these days. Self stigmatizing and just plain disgust that my brain has done this to me. Normies have no idea how bad it can be. I would give my legs to not have this permanent condition it’s so bad. After 8 psychotic episodes my mind and emotions have been stretched beyond the point of return. I literally can’t do anything but lay in bed and fantasize about a cure for this. I’m obsessed with searching online for new treatments.

I suffered from severe psychotic depression for years until I had a psychotic break that ruined my life. I couldn’t listen to music, watch tv, listen to the radio or talk to people because it hurt my brain for a while. I literally needed to sit in a corner and watch the wall in order to cope. It was so painful and taxing. I never got help for it either.

It’s so hard to focus on positive activities when you’re like that but you can recognize your bad habits and overcome them.

:pray:

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Maybe it would help if you found some interests to enhance your life. If you’re into cars, maybe you could build up a car, if you can afford that. Or maybe get into the history of the Viet Nam War. Or maybe cooking. Or moderate exercise. There are a lot of resouces available on the internet. I know that people like us operate with a lot of strikes against us. The thing to do is to make the best of it.

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Thanks for sharing that. I’m sorry that it happened to you too.

Good idea. I’m just not sure what I’m working with up top yet. Like qwertie said I still can’t believe this is happening to me. My brain needs a lot of rest. Last episode was very taxing.

I have supernatural ■■■■ happening all of the time, they drugged me and it hurts, my legs are basically falling off, i’m hounded day and night, traumatized, aliens and faeries, invisible beings attacking me in the backyard at times(i was like, ohhhhhhh, they live in the light, i see), abandoned by family, sick sick sick.

A cut in my sleep here and there, a burn, an electric shock, and all while beings made of light appear to me.

Despised by my fam. Burnt up chakras. Brain damage.

Facing a sea of cruel laughter everyday.

Mum threatened to stab me to death, bro tried to kill me with drugs, the other one choked me, i was threatened with rape in my sleep.

Broke as ■■■■, can’t work, no escape.

Another earthen torture victim i guess, didn’t know it at first but it seems to be fairly common down here.

This place is one evil muh fuqa of a planet.

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From age 19 to age 21 was constant suffering, yes. That included a year of intense psychosis without any medication in a group home followed almost immediately by 8 months locked up in a psychiatric hospital.

Merry Christmas, @MeghillaGorilla1! I think of several people on this forum sometimes and you are definitely among them. Maybe the more we suffer in this life the next one will be that much better. I know, if I got a damn choice I’d choose less suffering and a mediocre afterlife. But it’s also a fantasy I like to muse with from time to time. We don’t deserve this. I hope you find some positive distraction in Christmas. I used to hate the holidays, now I like anything that I can watch and not think about my life, and lots of kids opening the presents is a distraction for me.

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Thanks @Sunlion, merry Christmas to you too.
Maybe this year something good will happen and they’ll discover a rad new therapy that changes all of our lives. Here’s to 2017!

I suffer a lot also.
I have serious trust and paranoia issues.
I’m constantly battling against my chronic mood shifts, OCD and paranoid ideation.

I’m tired of dealing with the meds (side effects)
I’ve ballooned up again thanks to the increased Risperidone and Depakote doses.

I don’t want to complain too much, the meds are keeping me away from the Hospital.

Try to cheer up a little MG - @MeghillaGorilla1
Hopefully the new meds will be better than ever.
Merry Christmas! :evergreen_tree:

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@MeghillaGorilla1 If it’s any consolation, I used to be like you described, but now I can see some light at the end of the tunnel. It’s coming to to 3 years since my last hospitalisation though. Things can turn a corner, even on current meds. But it takes years, not months.

But we’ve also got new meds on the horizon.

Keep your spirits up , things can only get better.

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Thanks @wave merry Christmas to you too!

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Thank you @everhopeful. It’s only been a year since my last hospitalization. I’m hoping that I can get to the point you’ve described.
Thanks for the encouragement!

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