I’m talking, my time is spent watching memes on Youtube and playing videogames when I’m not working 20h/ week. I don’t even engage in my hobby of producing music which I used to do.
Before these last three months I was doing a lot better and actually was in abstinence programs for videogames and watching videos. I’m not sure if I’m capable of doing anything productive in my free time.
I try to force myself, motivate myself, whatever but lately I haven’t even been going to the gym more than once per two weeks about. I just want to know if it’s just my illness or is it even slightly my responsibility to somehow motivate myself to be productive despite how hard it is. Plus, no one is holding me accountable to anything in my free time. I feel like if I was forced to work, I would work and enjoy it.
Your accountable to yourself, mostly. And that is what this post sounds like.
After holding yourself accountable for your quality of life, then you are accountable to any who helps you with exspenses or spends time and energy on you.
I never heard of videogame addiction being treated. Did I read that correctly?
You could do your pt job plus some volunteer work to get an idea if you are well enough to do fulltime. If you want full time?
Some people go take cheap classes at local community colleges, get their GED, or get certified for a trade.
Though if you do take schooling and are young AND live in the USA AND think you may need disabiliy in the future - then education may make disability harder to get depending on what you learn.
I think you answered your own question to your post. No one is holding you accountable, so you waste your time on memes and YouTube. If you had some sort of accountability partner (aka you were forced to work, like you said) you would do more.
Ask for more hours at your job OR ask for a more challenging job during your 20 hours there OR both. I started as a greeter at a retail store and now I work as a tech writer for a defense contractor. I make enough money to be completely self-sufficient – but don’t expect that right away. It took me years to get to this point. None of it would have happened if I didn’t say, “I’m bored being a greeter. I want to work more hours and be a cashier.” That’s how my career started.