You have no obligation to do anything, there is nothing that you should or should not be doing, except by the consensus of society and yourself. If you are unhappy with the cycle it is because of some judgment you are believing either coming from outside or internally. You are not lazy, processing schizophrenia is a full time job, and giving the mind time to deal with it unconsciously through rest is time well spent as well. Breaking the cycle of schizophrenia on the other hand is something that I think we all desire. So going from processing oneās relapses to relapsing and then back again we judge to be a bad thing. Also society judges schizophrenia to be a bad thing, an illness. We know it is an illness because it is unpleasant and dysfunctional, but we shouldnāt judge it. Rather discern what has to be done to break the cycle. I donāt know how to break the cycle myself, though I am managing to go longer periods without relapse at the moment, but I too often think I am lazy. The point I want to make is that you are not lazy. I am hoping that sarcosine will help with motivation if I get the go ahead to take it. They have identified damaged receptors in the brains of schizophrenics which reduce motivation, so again, you are not lazy. Sarcosine is said to help with this, but as yet I have no experience of it, so I cannot say if it works, but it is worth looking into I think. Thank you.
Hiya Gagis
Thanks for your reply. I think that I figured out today during a brief meditation that laziness is part of my ego, which I seem to be employing as a safety net to make sure that I donāt kill myself or act outā¦ Which would be influenced almost entirely by the voices.
It is my dream to be in a spiritual state (ego less) like I once was before schizophrenia and to do this I think I will have to take the other advice I have been given and take my meds, so that I can be free of the taunting voices.
I just hope I will be able to experience the depth of an ego less state while Iām on medication. If they are too strong I hope to try L- theanine.
Anyway I hope that you find a way to break your relapse cycles, it sounds like you are doing pretty well though. best of luck with sarcosine 
And thanks for the kind words.
I found out mine is because my ego is avoiding pain and so distracting myself by not thinking too deeply (which also prevents the depth of happiness, thus motivation).
I also usually hear taunting voices when I get inspiredā¦ Thus making me defensive and egoistic as a distraction. maybe it is similar for you?
Iām going to try taking my meds continuously and see if I can feel deeply without voices.
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