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No more co-therapy for a while

I had a bit of a monkey fit.

I was really nervous about today so I got up early, had 7 cups of coffee to many, smoked too many cigarettes to calm myself down, and then felt horribly guilty about not doing the homework and then started panicking.

I could NOT look my kid sister in the eye and start telling her what I didn’t like about her. Plus, I know she’s having a hard time being 17 and having two of her other brothers treating her like dirt. So I couldn’t do it. I just froze up. Therapy is supposed to reduce stress, not cause it.

She didn’t do the home work either, she told me 10 things she was really proud of me for, and it almost made me cry if I could have. I thought it was really sweet.

The new therapist was a little miffed that we didn’t do the work. I was feeling really rotten for wasting his time.

Then he said my kid sis was derailing my recovery. She quietly left the room and kept going. She walked all the way home in this wind and rain. I had a bit of monkey fit and with too much coffee and not enough meds in my head, it didn’t go so well.

So when I got home she had already locked herself in the bathroom and since I can’t chop down the door again, I decided to give her some space, so now I’m at a coffee shop so I don’t have to pee outside in the wind.

This idea didn’t work at all. I’ll try something else later. I swear… our next place has to have at least a bath in a half.

Wow, I’m so sorry you both had to go through that. I definitely think the therapist, while he might have had good intentions, was out of line. Clearly, he doesn’t see all that your sister does for your well being.

I think taking a break and perhaps finding a new therapist is in order.

Blessings,

Anthony

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Thank you that. I’m beginning to think he’s probably come across some very negative siblings. They are out there, I’ve even seen a few here. He might not be used to dealing with positive supportive siblings.

Maybe because she’s really young?.. That might have had something to do with it.

What ever it is, it’s over now. It’s time to try something different.

Wish me luck with cheering her up enough to eat…

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Yes, it sounds like he has some preconceived notions about your relationship. And not very accurate.

Sending you best wishes on getting your sis to feel better!

Blessings,

Anthony

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i think your therapist is a ’ dick ', sorry to say that , but you both deserve better.
therapists think they know so much , but in reality they know so little, good ones are hard to find .
you and your sister have a beautiful relationship .
i have been driving in the australian countryside and seen some mesmerising sights , such beauty i can not put words to it for they would fail to describe what i had seen.
you and your sister have that beauty in your relationship and respect for each other, why improve on perfection.
take care

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Thank you for that a lot. Thank you for this kindness.

This therapy is not how this idea was supposed to go.

My kid sis has been my primary care taker for a while and before I got really bad, I was very parental with her…

Well, she doesn’t need intensive parenting, and I don’t need the level of care I used to so we’re trying to get a handle on this idea of sibling to sibling.

Not parental, not caretaker but more equal and let go of some of the old parental/care taker habits we’ve gotten into. If that makes any sense…

The dynamic duo isn’t breaking up or doing any less crime solving… She’s not moving out of the Bat Cave… She’s still my best friend. :blush:

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by the way , 7 cups of coffee…that is mad ! your a legend mr bond.
and two toilets in a flat/house is a good idea…
take care

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Sometimes therapy or the therapist was not the right fit. I hope your sis feels better soon. Wishing you guys well -

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I feel for your sister. That therapist needs to go. He is so far out in left field, but more confusing is what exactly are you needing from him that you’d let him continue to insult her with his unproven put-downs?
Does he need to cause problems to have something to solve? Job security on his part might cost you your good relationship with your sister.
Did you really agree with this guy?

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Sounds like the therapist is acting odd…usually my therapists have told me to do whats comfortable, not forced me to do uncomfortable things. I think you and your sis have too good of a relationship and I am rather surprised that the therapist is trying to expose its flaws, to me you guys sound like you get along really damn well.

And I totally disagree about her derailing your recovery- she sounds incredibly supportive! If I were her, I would have been insulted and pissed! Maybe the therapist sucks. You guys dont have problems with your relationship as a team, not that I have ever heard of.

Really, the therapist sounds like he sucks. Im sorry your sis had to hear that crap come out of his mouth. I would have been pissed off, I imagine she didn’t want to listen to BS and that’s why she just left the room.

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Yes, not every therapist is a ‘right fit’. And they are not always right in their views. My last therapist did not like AA. He thought that too many people in AA did not take responsibility for their lives and instead used a higher power to shirk personal responsibility. I knew what he meant but it is not true for the majority. He actually advised me to stop going to meetings and drop out of CA and NA. !2-step programs saved my life. Before I got clean I was headed for disaster, I was going downhill in my life, FAST. My life was unmanageable, and it was affecting my family. I do not usually take a stand with therapists but I told him that he was wrong, he didn’t know enough about addiction and CA. He tried to tell me I didn’t need AA. I told him he was a 100% wrong and that it was very irresponsible of him to be telling me this. I also told him that he can say anything he wants about AA, CA, or NA but I would not stop going to meetings. He tried to hide it, but I could tell he was realy pissed at me for standing up to him. But anyway I digressed in making my point. Therapists aren’t infallible no matter how smart they are.

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That’s terrible, I feel bad for your sister. A therapist once told my partner she was the worst thing for me because she wasn’t taking care of me. That was hard for her to hear because she took the idea of care giving to the extreme because of what the doctor said when he released me from the hospital the first time.

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I don’t get all this therapy malarky. If it ain’t broke then y fix it? He sounds like a complete non to me. In the UK we don’t have a therapist at our disposal so have to communicate our feelings instead and I think that’s far better than inviting an outsider in who has no knowledge of ur condition or ur sister’s input. ■■■■ the therapist and just talk to each other.

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No, I really didn’t, but I was wondering where this was going. He does have a the education and the years in. I was trying to be a bit respectful. But that’s a word that has to have both people on the end of the phone line.

I’ve been up most the night looking at the celling and thinking about how this went and how I acted. The old me used to get my nose out of joint so very fast and I would get very angry in an instant. I’m trying to lengthen my fuze and calm down and not get angry before I even know if there is a reason for it.

For the most part I think I have lengthened my fuze. But I think now I have to find that balance. I did get angry with this guy, but I should have sort of set my boundaries sooner.

The guy probably has met a lot of siblings who have no clue as to what this is all about, especially a teen. So, he was most likely seeing every other teen he’s seen in his office. The first three visits my sis was trying to be respectful and patient too.

The kid sis isn’t mad at me. She just said she felt like she was being painted with the "kid’s of Today… " brush. I know a lot of people are amazed by her because you know… kids today are scary, and Kid’s today are glued to their cell phone, and kid’s today are everything my sis isn’t.

@77nick77 Thank you for that, I’m sorry you had to get tough with this guy. I am really impressed that you were able to tell him to step back. I have to start getting a little tougher when it comes to this.

@jaynebeal I am beginning to see that maybe we’ve both out grown the constant therapy deal. We’ve had family counseling for years when I was drinking and on drugs. I just sort of grabbed for what I what I know out of habit. I’m beginning to think that doing things,… (anything) out of just habit isn’t the way to go.

The Sis is over it. She just decided this new guy had his mind set about kid’s today and she wasn’t able to change his mind so it was time to leave. I’m still a bit down about this. But I’ll perk up. Plus, I didn’t sleep well so I’m going to be a little out of it until the coffee is finished.

My PERSONAL therapist who helps me with the delusions, panic, guilt, is amazing and I’ve been with her for years. I really like her. So they aren’t all bad. I just need to find a balance.

You know, maybe it’s also a confidence thing. I didn’t really have the confidence to relay what I wanted to. But I guess I’ll never get that confidence if I just keep doing things out of habit. Something to ponder.

I am determined to try and learn something from this.

I think u kid sis is a very special person with her peculiar life experience. It really would take a lot of time and other things to understand not at a surface value.

I spent a few days working together with a 17 year ago girl this month and am amazed how ur sis can be herself.

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I’m glad the co-therapy is being put on the back burner. Hopefully it will soon become something that can be let go of completely. It didn’t work out. Move on. You guys will get through this little hiccup. Hugs to you both.

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