I had a bit of a monkey fit.
I was really nervous about today so I got up early, had 7 cups of coffee to many, smoked too many cigarettes to calm myself down, and then felt horribly guilty about not doing the homework and then started panicking.
I could NOT look my kid sister in the eye and start telling her what I didn’t like about her. Plus, I know she’s having a hard time being 17 and having two of her other brothers treating her like dirt. So I couldn’t do it. I just froze up. Therapy is supposed to reduce stress, not cause it.
She didn’t do the home work either, she told me 10 things she was really proud of me for, and it almost made me cry if I could have. I thought it was really sweet.
The new therapist was a little miffed that we didn’t do the work. I was feeling really rotten for wasting his time.
Then he said my kid sis was derailing my recovery. She quietly left the room and kept going. She walked all the way home in this wind and rain. I had a bit of monkey fit and with too much coffee and not enough meds in my head, it didn’t go so well.
So when I got home she had already locked herself in the bathroom and since I can’t chop down the door again, I decided to give her some space, so now I’m at a coffee shop so I don’t have to pee outside in the wind.
This idea didn’t work at all. I’ll try something else later. I swear… our next place has to have at least a bath in a half.