New and undiagnosed

Unusual Beliefs
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Hi, Im not sure how this forum works, normally there is a place where one can introduce themselves, but I cant see it here. The tutorial bot gives me anxiety because I cant get its steps right so maybe I missed some things there. In any case, I guess I’ll just start typing here and see what happens.

I am not diagnosed with schizophrenia, but I have been hiding symptoms related to psychosis and delusions for a long time for fear of being admitted, and in hope that it is not that bad, but lately things have escalated, and Ive become aware that something is a bit wrong with me.

Lately I have experienced episodes of reduced control of myself, going into a kind of mental haze where I become an observer, an almost out of body experience. I have regular moments of epiphany, where secret or hidden things, or intellectual things suddenly make sense. I have had auditory halucinations of a buzzing noize that lasts a few minutes. I have heard a shadow speak to me and tell me to write down a ‘prophesy’. And here lies the problem; all these things are continuing because they present under a religious theme, where many people accept abnormal things as divine action or intervention, so Im stuck not knowing (or wanting to know) that I have a problem.

What has made me aware of this issue is my interactions on other forums. I do fine interacting normally with others, but as time goes on and I start to open up (be more honest) I can tell by their responses that my views and understanding of the world is skewed and unrealistic. It lasts longer on religious type forums, for the reason I mentioned, but even there my views start to cross lines not even they can tolerate, and I end up burning bridges.

The main reason Im here I guess, is that I’m lonely. I can’t be myself and have meaningful connections with others, since I am not normal it seems. I am not a danger to myself or others, and I fear admission to a mental health facility, I’ve isolated myself from people and family and have been alone for years now, trying to figure out what the hell is going on. But in the end, I’m alone, even the god that visits me in moments of delusion doesnt stick around. I’m nothing, I’m irrelevant; a scream in a storm.

So here I am on another forum, desperately grasping at my sanity as I slip into the void. Maybe its where I belong, where I was destined to be. I have lost perspective.

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Welcome @Loner

If you find yourself in need of help, just tag a moderator. Type the @ symbol, then our names

@Moonbeam, @Ninjastar, @Bowens and @Voithos

If you have not discovered our official forum rules and read them yet, you can find them here.

Enjoy your stay with us!

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Hi and welcome.
I have religious spiritual delusional beliefs. I have found that they will be a problem for me around 90% of the time. Sometimes 100%. I have found to go on and enjoy my life as these will always be distracting me. I see others here just go on and get the most out of life as they can. I also have the negative symptoms as I learned here. And learning to just go on with the lack of motivation and energy and emotion and feeling that I enjoy. Not supposed to validate or prove my odd beliefs here. So I find ways to get the most out of my day as I can on this forum.

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Hey welcome! You should definitely talk to a doctor about it and get their opinion

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get a psychiatrist and have him see you to see.

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Welcome to the forum! Since covid, mental wards have been packed. It is different than the 1980’s when I was admitted. As long as you are not a danger to yourself or anyone a Dr wouldn’t admit you for unusual beliefs. Hopefully you can hang out here, feel less lonely and be yourself. Ask questions and when you feel ready then seek out a Dr for a professional diagnosis. You might not be schizophrenic. There are other similar disorders. Nobody here can diagnose you. For now, hang out and relax in a nonjudgemental environment and see if that helps you.

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Welcome to the forum!

You need to be evaluated by a psychiatrist, and be totally honest with them.

Why needlessly suffer?!

I think you’ll like this community. I’m glad you’re here.

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If your thinking is out of control and having a negative impact on your life you should see a doctor. Most likely they won’t admit you which is the worst case scenario, but even if they did they have protocols, like seperating aggressive people from the rest of the population. I have been admitted a few times. It wasn’t the end of the world. Actually it helped me and made me realize.

But what might happen is just the doctor will want to medicate you, and you won’t be admitted. Almost everyone prefers medication as opposed to living with uncontrollable delusions.

Anyways, welcome to the forum. This is a good place to be. And when it comes to unusual beliefs we have heard it all, so no one will judge you here :slightly_smiling_face:

Many of the threads here is just about beeing social though, so it’s not just the serious stuff we talk about.

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Thanks for the kind words and welcome.

I do have a diagnosis for Bipolar, Major depressive, generalized anxiety, and severe social anxiety.

I have been admitted before and they throw me into group settings with group activities, and it is the most terrible thing. I have social anxiety and last time I lost 15 kg in two months because I avoided meals since I could not handle the social aspect. I tell the psychiatrists this, but I always end up with groups of strangers, as they seem to believe exposure is treatment. This has caused me to go off medication and avoid doctors, especially ones connected to some institution.

Here in my country, and in my experience, psychiatrists have strong financial incentives from drug companies, and sit on boards of facilities, and their priority is to push those drugs and admit people. The last time I was admitted, I was discharged not because I was stable, but because my medical aid ran out.

I have tried helping myself as a result, with CBT and rational thinking, which helped a lot with the depression and anxiety. I am unmedicated for years now, and the depression and mania from bipolar is basically non existant, leading me to believe I was misdiagnosed all along.

These new symptoms are a bit worrying though, as I can sense an escalation. I dont like hearing voices and seeing shadows, as it is hard to reason myself out of that. I was convinced God was reaching out to me for a while, sending me dreams and visions, but Im worried its all in my head. During a recent dream, he gave me a name, it was clear and memorable, and when I woke up I opened the bible and read Revelation 2:17…

So if I go to a Christian forum, they say the visions and dreams are from God and his holy spirit. But here it is more reasonable to suspect some emerging mental health issue. As a kid I suffered extreme intrusive thoughts; voices saying terrible things and cursing God, and sleep paralysis every night, and my parents told me demons were attacking me. What a confusing mess…

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Welcome to the forum @Loner

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Please consult a.medical professional about your symptoms. Early intervention can lead to better outcomes.

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What are your goals and things. How uncomfortable are you because of these symptoms. I was very uncomfortable with symptoms like these. I have become comfortable with these symptoms now and want to move forward with life. I always liked to be able to push myself a bit. I am actually regaining my willpower. And staying comfortable enough to want to go on with life and prosper the most I can.

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I think I am just very confused about what is happening. The big problem is whether this is a true religious connection, or a product of my mind. I can deal with it and live with it.

I am reasonable enough to know that if this starts to go in a direction of harming others or myself to immediately consult a professional.

Its just strange to me that religion or spiritualism allows hearing voices and having episodes of lost control on a grand scale, whilst at the same time and in the same society others can see this as mental health episodes worthy of admission to mental health facilities and the administration of anti psychotic medications. Its so strange. Such a strange world we live in lol

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This should defiantly be for a psychiatrist to deal with immediately. As soon as possible.

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Not really. Untreated psychosis can cause brain damage. The reasonable thing is to get treatment immediately. And, no, there’s no chance this is real. You’re experiencing one of the most common types of delusions in our community.

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You are right by giving the facts. I think Im too brain damaged by now to fit in on this forum though.

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Bah, you sound pretty good actually. Recovery is only impossible when you decide it is.

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I was delusional into my 50s and confused. This forum helped me accept my diagnoses completely. I am 54 now. I always took it as a medical issue also. I really started improving when I found a good medication combination. I had faith way before my diagnosis. And I have kept my faith and also accept that I am dealing with a medical condition with schizophrenia. I tried to become completely secular and atheistic. But I found I am more comfortable keeping some of the faith I always had.

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