I think I dont really feel too many emotions except for feeling empty at times. I have seen everything in my 20 years except for romantic love, I never “experimented” with sex in high school and I have only dated girls for about a month tops, one a little longer.
It gets me because I am very driven and rather headstrong to be honest, I am really obsessed with my studies in college and I’m one of those workout crazies. The gym I go to is called “No ■■■■■■■■”, i kid you not. It’s a hardcore powerlifting gym where everyone is screaming and lifting heavy, heavy weights. I have good friends but I dont party or drink anymore so it’s hard to find a girl who is interested in someone who doesnt let loose and get drunk.
there’s a quote from a japanese anime classic about samurai that goes like this- “a brandished sword needs a sheath”, telling the most aggressive of the clan to find wives.
But I figure that I am too mature for most college girls and they just want to have fun, they dont value stability, they rather party and wake up hungover on a couch somewhere and repeat.
Sucks, but most of my happiness comes from peaceful moments, psychosis free days and hard work in school. I do believe that life is suffering, but once this is realized, much more can be seen amidst the undeniable suffering that each day inevitably brings. Even living despite suffering is enough to make me feel satisfied some days.
End preaching/ rant