Negative symptom randomness

Thought I’d just make a post on how my negative symptoms seem to come and go.

its been pretty up and down this week.
2 days ago I felt pretty good almost ‘normal’ but not quite. was content with the days productivity.

yesterday I had just barely enough energy/motivation with the help of coffee to get through the day with work but had a spike of energy (caffeine lol) that evening that I utilised by composing some stuff on the piano. it was so interesting I could hear various compositions of the piano being created in my head and I would just try to figure out what the keys were that I was hearing. Once I understand the piano more I think I will be able to utilise that a lot better when it happens.

This morning I woke up feeling really tired , totally unmotivated , just feeling like a slug on a log. so i went back to sleep and couldnt get up till about 3pm , *i dont feel depressed at all during this , just 0 motivation , and feeling everything is too much effort or wont be worth it.

i felt serious avolition all day today I could barely make any food, no shower, just sat on the couch and convinced myself to watch something. everytime I feel like this and it wont lift I think about making an appointment with a doc to get a NRI antidepressant, from what ive read that might help with negative symptoms.

around 6pm i was feeling mildly catatonic and just 100% blank. just on the couch and nothing.

the fact that this keeps happening has made me swing into heavy depression at night as Ive been feeling hopeless about this. I think this is a normal human reaction to this unfortunate experience I have to continue to go through.

this has been seemingly getting worse over the past couple years.

then tonight at about 2 am it feels like my mind starts working again. 2AM . WHY is it 2 am that this lifts/changes? , so i decided not to waste it and,

anyway so I got up and cleaned up all the dishes I had laying around took the garbage downstairs.

took my laundry out of the basket thats been sitting downstairs for a week clean. and then I cleaned up my whole room.

I dont feel hyper i just feel like the avolition/amotivation lifted and I was able to get stuff done.

not to downplay the voices i used to always hear or whatever else, but id almost welcome that ■■■■ back over this sometimes. , both sides of the coin are ■■■■

This ■■■■ is frustrating as hell . Thanks for letting me vent here. I needed it.

Im the same way I guess those with bipolar, sz,adhd are nocturnal.

I have all 3 and my mind doesn’t kick in until after midnight.

Ill be up until 5-6 am sometimes 8 then sleep till 11-12 be up zombified until around 5 then take a nap until around 8.

Well not quality sleep just like dozing then watch tv without really paying attention to it until around midnight THEN do stuff.

I just baked some French bread washed some clothes and made worked out.

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Yeah I think our bioclocks are screwed up or something

I’m sorry your swinging through this. It’s so over the top frustrating…

I hate it… I can get up and get moving one day… the next I’m blank. Thank you for mentioning that…

I spent what felt like a year in this suspended state of animation. I didn’t feel real at all. If I sit too long… I slip back into this.

That scares me a lot. I was empty… numb… flat… wax-covered and days passed me by with me barley blinking. I spent months in my Pajamas. It took a huge med jolt to help kick me out of the rust brown numbness. I was in my head pretty deep.

I know your doing this Med free… I do envy that. I wish I could be someday… but I know it’s a ways off. It was the Latuda that pulled me back out of the wax.

If it’s really causing you to suffer… maybe talk to a doc about other options… CBT…

I also found this…

motivational enhancement therapy… I’m not saying it’s a cure… for me… it’s NO substituent for meds… who knows… it might give you some ideas.

The deep numb is something I try to avoid at all cost.

Good luck and I’m rooting for you.

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Thanks man. I will read up on that.

Yeah my motivation has been pretty low lately - some days are better than others.
It’s good that you had some motivation to do some some stuff @anon31257746 - You hang in there and keep pushing forward and I will do the same

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You too wave hope some motivation comes your way soon

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It’s interesting to go back and look at this post from last year same time as now. Because I feel the same now as I did then.

So maybe I have a seasonal pattern?

This site is very helpful to keep track of stuff like this.