*Added after I finished typing from this little soapbox … sorry this is so long!! But I am leaving it as is…I thought about deleting it and just minding my own beeswax too. But I’m leaving it as is.
I tried going back to work for the umpteenth time back in September 2020. Started out full time in a well known thrift shop chain, and kept chipping away at how many hours I worked, between then and when I finally had such a huge psychotic episode trying to keep going one day a week for yet another employer, I finally fell apart completely. Went immediately back on disability on February 5, 2022.
And I JUST climbed out of absolute hell of an extended breakdown…THREE DAYS AGO. Literally it took me 20 months of being so severely messed up that now my pnurse told me that she won’t continue to see me unless I have weekly sessions. And I’m terrified I will end up back in hell, and these three days will just be a fluke. You can go back to my just-closed Shmookitty’s thread and read just a tiny bit of the hell.
I’m telling you all this not to outdo you as to how sick each of us are at all - but to warn you to think long and hard about this.
As someone said, you’re still fighting a very stubborn, active delusion. I went absolutely wild around all those people, completely paranoid that men with guns were hiding in the crowd just waiting to open fire on me. I would run back and forth for hours of a shift, completely and utterly lost in paranoia. And I wasn’t even attempting to handle money except at the very beginning, like you would be. Handling money is its own can of worms. So I really get where you’re coming from, and I sense real danger here.
I didn’t lose my benefits, because I am not on government benefits, but I am on my former employer’s long term disability policy. (I didn’t have enough work credits to qualify for SSDI, and I have too much in savings and retirement accounts to qualify for SSI). Be very careful if the benefits you already get would be in jeopardy, for something you have big doubts about from the get go.
Please take your time with this decision, and don’t make a quick decision based only on a feeling of desperation. You have the potential to really blow up your illness if you make the wrong move, both your MI and your multiple physical ones.
IMO, a few 4 hour shifts is not worth that danger.
I also find it significant that the job is food service related. Back in 2005, I took a job working in food prep for a huge Canadian fast food joint. Thought it’d be easier than office work…
Oh goodness, NO. The intricacies of working in an industrial kitchen area and needing to be meticulous about cleanliness is a stress level all on its own.
I always did have a lot of respect for everyone who works in food service…but once it was me back there in the kitchen trying to keep up with everything…I exploded in a little less than four months. I don’t know everyone’s job history here, but I know @ozymandias can put in some advice about what it’s like in an industrial kitchen. Very meticulous.
One other really important warning based on my own job experience - the last full time non-retail job I had was an office position created just for me to hire me out of a temp pool. It combined aspects of three different positions within that office. I “floated” between three different job functions, depending on which one was the most in need, like your job’s description of working in more than one role. That means that at any given time, you’re thrown at the most stressful role. That REALLY magnifies your illness.
Again, not trying to say I don’t think you’re a strong person, because I do. But I have also been on a vicious cycle of employment attempts following by crashing and burning for years after each one.
I so relate to your belief that you’re being followed. That will be on steroids if you take this job. I worry about that potential. Don’t make a hasty decision on this one.