I’m having a bad case of decoding clang, or clanging. I hear it but not see it. Also when I listen to longer stretches of sentences -I see what they were saying very differently. Seems to all be connected to what I’m thinking at that time. I’m being watched too. Online anyway. But I have suspicions that they put speakers in the walls and are screaming at me “You’re a psychopath” or “so stupid”.
Everything seems to connect in such a bizarre way. I feel really together, but very confused. It’s like the (what I hope is just) psychosis, is more real and feels “right”-er than reality itself. I’ve totally lost grip on what is and is not real.
My fear is that this is all set up, since birth, that this is some sort of horrid experiment.
My meds haven’t been working, for a long while now. I suspect they are giving me pills that are making me go crazy, because they don’t like me. Also some people posted some mean stuff online about me. Which makes me act out in rages of mean texts to them. However they refuse to admit that they posted them, so I go, on a continuous loop.
loop: “im schizophrenic and itll be ok” > “im not schizophrenic this is actually happening” (some variants to the mix, but generally speaking it goes around in a loop very quickly, many times per day).