Need some love and reassurance

@LED I have five kids and there is not a day go by that I don’t worry about their health or that they will go through the issues that I have. Ultimately I am so happy to have them in my life. They have made me a better person. My consolation is that if they do inherit my illness I will know what signs to look for in case they do. They will get faster help because I am educated about all the things that are wrong with me.

If you love your children and take care of them in the best way you can, then you are a wonderful mom. Don’t compare yourself to other moms because no one has the same life experiences as you. Be strong and love your family. When she grows up she will know that you gave her everything she needed.

Hugs. :two_hearts:


Same. You gave your kid a chance at life. She might have a similar life to yours. That wouldn’t be bad. You have a lot of love in your life. She might have a life nothing like yours. You can’t predict the future. You can just raise her with coping skills.

If she does inherit your conditions, she won’t go as long as you did without treatment. Because you’ll recognize the symptoms and get her help right away.


I don’t know. I would only wish my health conditions on my enemies. It’s not a life worth living 90% of the time.

Little LED might feel differently. I’m sure she thinks your life is worth living. And I bet she thinks hers is, too.


I’m just depressed tonight. I should probably go od on ativan and sleep for the next day.

If you are feeling suicidal, please tell someone — a friend or family member, a teacher, a doctor or therapist or call 911 (if you’re in the U.S.) or the Emergency Medical Services phone number in your country.

You can also call a suicide prevention hotline—these are available in the U.S. and in many other countries.

International suicide hotlines:

Suicide hotlines in the U.S.:

More resources:

Not suicidal. Just would really like a light coma.

You don’t know what will be the difference between the two if you OD. You might ■■■■ up and leave little LED without you to help her.

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I’m 99% sure I can’t die, though, so I’m not really worried.

That’s a huge risk. Please text 741741 and just talk to a crisis counselor

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Medical advances are being made all the time; just in hang in there and one day this problem will seem trivial to solve!

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I tried the crisis text line. Super useless.

Hey @LED, I love you and your posts and your caring about me. I can remember wanting to be knocked out like you say “a light coma” and then realized that I was already pretty much knocked out or I would have been more resourceful about myself. Hang in here, gal pal. You’ve got this.

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@LED I feel like you post about this not being able to die business when you start getting delusional. I mean, that is a delusion. A dangerous one. Maybe you should call someone.


I think I’d educate my kids to be med compliant and seek out treatment early if they happen to develop sz. I don’t think it’s that painful. Both of my friends with sz go to work and school. Another kid I know now attends clubhouse everyday. I wouldn’t mind it! I just wouldn’t want them to be psychotic for any longer than a few weeks… it’s possible to live a very good life. My mom is displeased with me, but I feel very good about my life right now. And I agree with @ninjastar that you can’t predict the future. Sometimes I feel I’ve hit both jackpot and bankrupt on the life “wheel”. All you can do is teach resiliency when things go wrong.


Maybe you’re right. My meds have been slowly working less and less lately. My health, specifically this intractable migraine, has been a big source of stress. And then all this today. It’s just a lot to deal with. I don’t know. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am delusional. But I’ve tried many times before and I’m always fine. I don’t think it’s a delusion.

I don’t know. I think a lot of people who commit suicide have a history of suicide attempts. It doesn’t mean you can’t die, it just means you haven’t died yet.


In any case, hearing you talk like that was a bit of a red flag. So is the less effective meds. I feel like those are familiar signs. Is Mr. LED pretty good at being attuned to when you might need some help?


Yeah, after you brought it up I mentioned it to them.

I don’t know. I’m feeling even worse now than before I texted that stupid crisis line. They just made me feel worse. I never should have bothered.

It’s like I spilled my guts as much as I could begging for help and all I got was platitudes.