Need some internal energy

This holiday was not so easy as I had hoped.

My middle brother who has just recently been coming back into my life as a friend has spent years fighting off depression and other problems…

Yesterday he came over in a very agitated state saying he was being eaten alive by negative thoughts and he was afraid to be alone… in case he reached for a self-destructive behavior.

Before he and I had patched up our friendship he would go get high with our other brother… who is now clean and sober.

I’ve been in such oblivion in my own head, I completely had no idea that he was going through any of this. I heard from our family that he has troubles of his own… as all humans do. But I’ve never seen a hint of anything wrong from him. Then again, we cut contact for a while… and being deep in my own head circus, I didn’t pay attention to anyone else.

We let him unwind and just lay out the fears and panic here and listen. Our Sis was able to handle it better then I was I think. I had to leave and come back a few times. He even spent the night. I’m glad to help I guess… but I feel like I’ve been badly sunburned and drained. I hope today is a quiet day in the city because noise is getting to me.

Has anyone cried all night and woken up dehydrated with a pounding headache? I haven’t cried at all, but that’s how I feel. I HAVE to go to work today. Today all hands are needed to get some of the parks recovered from the long weekend festivals.

I’ve had my coffee… I’ve taken the meds… I’m still feeling like a rag doll… no time today to swim. When I feel this drained, my head circus likes to play.

I’m not in the most positive head space today… but I’m working on it.

Thank you all for being here… reading about your successes and triumphs does help me out.

As always… ideas on how to recharge internal batteries would be great… (legal ideas please)


Float on to work. You will be tired, but you will have moment-to-moment time to flow with. Drink a lot of water and have enough to eat. I get un-hungry if I am up all night so I must eat small amounts of something mild at first.

Your brother will be okay for now. You can talk to him again later. Everyone has sad times. He must replace sad times with being happy that he has brothers that care.


I also get un-hungry… I usually just skip eating… but that is a good idea. I’ll have something light before I head out. Thank you for that.


Sorry for all the woes in your life. I have no head circus or voices but I do feel bad for you. I consider you one of the more higher functioning sz’s on the board, hope things get better for you!

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Thank you for that… I wouldn’t really consider a large family a woe…(all the time) … just overwhelming, draining, and confusing at times.

I’m glad I have the chance to be the big brother I should have been all along. I’m glad to have this friendship finally patch up…

I really need to learn how to deal with people and how to keep my own lucid hold when others around me are loosing theirs.


Maybe you need a place temporarily just for your own. Relax, and calm down. Make a prayer if you want. Then think about your goal and values, then only what you can accomplish for others…

Just a suggestion. Or what you need perhaps is just a good sleep and rest.

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Having someone rely on you for emotional support is not easy and it is draining. We do run out of internal energy and it takes time for it to recharge. Trust that it will. Remember to take care of yourself. Take it one minute at a time and you will get through today at work. You will get through today.

Good for you on being there for your brother. That’s pretty big you know. Last year you probably wouldn’t have been able to handle it but even though it was hard and draining you did it.


I`m glad that your family is coming together–even though it is stressful at times. Yes-I hate crying because I always end up with a headache. ibuprophen would help that.
I remember you talking about your big family and your relationships with your brothers. It seems like a circle is forming and things are coming around.
Things will get easier in time. When you fell drained, be by yourself-make your world small and recharge.


Thank you for the ideas. It was hard getting through yesterday, and last night.

I’m only needed a half day today and then I can get some sleep before my class.

@BarbieBF Thank you for the thumbs up. I was feeling very low for not doing better. Just having someone come over and talk is not that hard. But watching my younger brother fight through that was harder then I expected. A year ago, I would have been even worse at handling it.

I love the way this is put. Thank you. I can use this.


Family relationships are by far the most demanding and emotionally draining. I have my brother and sister to deal with, the kids are just peripheral. I found it difficult when I had a bigger family and interacted with them more. I can only imagine what it’s like living with a large family.

Nieces and nephews? Are you living near your siblings?

That is what has been keeping me in contact with one specific brother who I would have cut contact with.
His wife is a kind person and my niece and nephew are pretty cool kids. I really do enjoy watching them grow up.

It’s an odd feeling. Sometimes, having all of us only 20 to 30 minutes away from each other can be a pain in the neck. Other times, I feel sort of safe having that much family around… Most of them.

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Yeah, I live near them. I meant that I don’t really interact with the kids or my brother’s wife much at all, just every now and then. My sister and I have a strained relationship, it’s my brother who I mainly deal with, usually a few times a week.

Hope you and your sis can get past the strain.

It’s odd, my slightly younger brother… the one who I’m strained with…

I see his wife, (my sis-in-law) and my niece and nephew all the time. That marriage is going south in a big way and my sis and I have been kid sitting when we can. At least my brother and his wife aren’t fighting in front of the kids… But the kids are smart cookies and know something is up.

If my bro and his wife do get divorced… I’d most likely keep my friendship with her and have no problem not dealing with him. (I have two other brothers I can hang with.)

A year ago that thought would have hurt me greatly.

This is so true. My relationship with my brother and his wife drain the life out of me. We are very much different people in our morals and philosophies - I am also trying very hard to bite my tongue when it comes to his wife.
I do think that my brother wants me to be a part of his life, especially in the future

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I know the thing that usually recharges my batteries is quiet time just being with my bf. Spend quality time with your plant killing neighbor. LOL.

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