I’m not sure where to even start. I just need help and to talk to someone other than my therapist about this.
I’m at this point in my life where I feel like I am the least productive I ever have been. I feel like I am nothing… Im just existing, empty and numb. I am 29 years old and have accomplished nothing. I feel like these last few years in particular have gone by so fast..
I’ve only lived on my own twice, once with my best friend right after highschool for a year ish and then again with an ex in 2021-2022. After the lease was up I had to move back home at my dads, as I’m not able to work full time..moving back home was embarrassing.I have had jobs over the years…mostly restaurant stuff. I did hold a back of house kitchen job for 3 years but in the middle of 2024 they ended up closing down and I haven’t had a job since then. I feel so ashamed of this especially. I know I’m capable but my brain just doesn’t work right and i have zero motivation. Even though I was alone struggling immensly in my teens and early 20s I still feel like I was getting some stuff done. In my teen years at least I had goals and hobbies and interests. Straight out of highschool I had to medically withdraw from community college bc of my mental health. I’ve been back a few times over the years taking a class here or there but I haven’t done that since like 2022.
I feel like I have no direction, im just existing through life and because of my age I feel pressure to find a career and have a “real job”. Seeing my peers accomplishing great things and I’m over here doing the bare minimum. I’m so ashamed and upset at myself…it’s hard enough to invest energy into things I want to do, let alone slave away at a job I hate. I know my limits and I know getting a job somewhere that can’t accommodate me would be horrible for my mental health. I’ve been fired on the spot once for having a panic attack at a restaurant job…
Ultimately i feel incapable because I get so overwhelmed easily and can’t think straight, it’s embarrassing when simple things are so hard. I do go to therapy regularly btw and am medicated. It’s weird though because I’d say I’m more stable than I used to be but I feel horrible in a different way. I used to self harm all the time, do drugs and other reckless things. Nowadays it’s more of an internal battle. Sorry for rambling but to anyone else who’s been stuck like this…how did you get out and make life worth living? I can’t stop comparing and I get stuck in these thought loops of shame and anger at myself while struggling w avoltion/anhedonia on the daily, feels impossible to fix it. Thank you for reading this I didn’t mean for it to be so long
Well, if you want to do something productive and fulfilling that won’t have as much stress as a paid job I would suggest a volunteer job. There’s many different volunteer jobs out there and you could really make a meaningful positive difference in peoples lives with the right volunteer job.You could work at one like 10 or 15 hours a week so it wouldn’t be too hard or stressful.
It would be nice if you could get over comparing yourself to others, even if you got a great job and you’re comparing yourself to others you’re going to fall short in your own eyes because there’s a lot of successful people out there that the average person can’t hope to match.
So finding your own niche in life that brings you satisfaction will make you happier than comparing yourself to college grads who are millionaires and other wealthy people. I’m a lowly janitor living in Silicon Valley where there’s lots of big money and tons of successful people but I don’t waste my time lamenting that I’m not driving one of the dozen cybertrucks I see every month, I’m just happy I’ve been at my job 15 years, drive a reliable car and I have a fairly good place to live and I can afford a few luxuries every now and then. I’m trying to improve myself by working on my health and trying to lose weight. I’m better off than some people even though there’s a lot of well off people around me.
Something you can strive for is being a good, decent, fair person and being a good son and good neighbor, if you can achieve those things your life will be a lot more meaningful and worthwhile.
Have you tried online college classes? I’m 64 and I just finished getting my degree three years ago by mostly taking online classes. It’s a lot more freedom than going in person and less stressful. You can choose your own hours to study or do projects or read and you can sit in the comfort of your own home. I’m sorry you’re going through so many bad feelings but maybe just a couple positive steps in the right direction will make you happier or more content. I wish you good luck.
I used to go to a place where mentally ill people had activities and no one I talked to there cared about status. I had voices at the time bring it to my attention at age 26 that I should have gotten somewhere by then. They said it was sad and I really hadn’t thought about it. My voices always surprise me by being contrary to me. I pursued reading books though I only liked it somewhat. I also tried writing but made the mistake of trying to write fiction when I’d be better off writing autobiographical. Nick I really admire your working, even if it’s just vacuuming. I can’t work because I have no college degree and anything physical makes me sweat so severely it’s dangerous. I think my meds have messed up my body chemistry. My general practitioner tells me there’s a drug people take who sweat so much but it can cause psychosis. He also said it is better to sweat too much than not enough. I wrote a letter tonight to my cousin for snail mail and got satisfaction out of it. I write such boring stuff but I rewrite it till it’s better.
U have to live life on your terms. It probably might not seem like it but even millionaires are un happy with life and can’t find satisfaction.. u see the Epstein files.
Top men of the world trying there hardest to find satisfaction and joy too the point that they do very odd things. Truth is.. they don’t know how to satisfy themselves even with all the money and success.
You got this bro. It’s all about you. It take some of us until we are 50 to truly find success don’t let social media get to you. You are very Young (VERY!!) Its your time, your life no one else’s,
live it on your terms.
Do small things to help build your motivation each day.. I know it is soo hard but you got it. Your going to have to bepatientwithyourself through this battle
