I feel guilty that I’m not successful by now. It’s a good thing I can blame it on my paranoid schizophrenia. Wait… what?
The reason I deserve to have awful past negative thoughts bother me is because I’m such an awful person. The proof I’m awful is that I always think of bad stuff.
People are trash and children are future criminals. They’re always looking for an excuse to criticize and humiliate me. I know that because that’s what I would do if I were them.
My motto is: Do unto others what they would probably do unto you. Wait, this person just treated me nicely… what does this mean, precious?
I think a lot about “getting even” but what I’ve done to get closer to that goal is… absolutely nothing, nada, because I’m lazy to too busy thinking about it.
I used to struggle with the thought that I’m a terrible person because I think bad thoughts. I had a therapist tell me they are just thoughts. Our actions dictate what kind of person we are. So just because I think about killing people doesn’t make me a murderer.
Thank you very much, leaf! Yes, for over a year I’ve been confronting and disarming my horrible thoughts every time with the reality that my brain is a machine doing only what it knows. I’ll make a topic about it sometime in the future. I have thoughts about Joaquin Phoenixing my enemies, except those who I want to torture are just remaining imposters of people from the past who have no connection with me now and have no idea of any of this. It’s not their fault or mine, it’s just… the nugget in my skull doing what it does.
I don’t want to not have mental illness because I wouldn’t get disability and medicine. A job would be necessary and I’d have to be around what I would perceive to be blabber-girls and cancerous guys.
Can’t let people know you have paranoid sz, because they can dismiss any valid thing you say with “he’s paranoid, he needs to take his medication.” My solution: Tell all my friends to get out of my life.
My friend here thinks mental illness is like finding the missing piece where everything will fall into place. The right place for him and people like him is far, far away from me.
Uh-oh, intrusive thoughts. Better do my prepared routine to fight back and make as big a deal about it in my head as humanly possible so that it 1. doesn’t help and 2. becomes a ritual. ( don’t do this )
In the past, to be safe from temperamental people I’d be quiet and look at nobody, all to avoid making someone angry. Looking back it probably seemed cold. My English teacher described me as wooden.