My worry and unusual thoughts

Hello, greetings for the season. I am right now an undergraduate student currently resting at home because of my psychological condition. I would like to share what I have experienced, in order to seek help. Could you please instruct me on what I should do in life? Thank you in advance!

I constantly hear voices that are criticizing my behaviors as if those who speak voices know all of my doings from daily routine like what time I get up to what I behave outside my home in neighborhood. The voices always remind me that I am a bad person, and that I am hopeless and my parents should adopt other children instead of raising me. When I am doing sports in the gym, those with children shout at me, "do not be noisy! Stop! I will kill you! " Every time I am in the gym, my behaviors would be assessed by others, like how many times my ball bounce on the ground, or how I do bad on the learning progress–in my opinion, I am in well progress, since I keep on doing sports, and would correct the wrong gestures rather quickly.

Besides, I doubt whether some of my former classmates are podcasting my behavior through a video station to make more people know my former behaviors and recent behavior and add the mood of hatred. They all hold a belief that I must die–either be killed, or suicided. I do not know why in what I have heard, this society is so cruel without leniency (the voices indeed encourage me like “she is a genius”–however it is still not a good encouragement). I am now in China, and I do believe that the society is with love and care and justice. If such a condemn on a person indeed exists, then there would be without justice and people are doing wrong on focusing on the mistakes of others, instead of developing themselves and seeking benefits. Worrying whether I am right now being discriminated, I am also concerning on the development of the whole society.

Almost all the people spit on the ground when I pass by, as if they hate me. I worry whether my dignity is down on the road, and I feel deep ashamed.

Am I a schizophrenia patient? Why I always hear voices indicating that I am an extremely notorious person?

Now I live with scare. I am afraid of going out to enjoy the sunshine because in that case, I would meet more people who are watching me, and interpreting my behaviors as with negative meaning, especially those who want to educate their children bringing their kids outside.

The love of neighbourhood is cooled off but not everybody is like that.

From your experience, it really sounds like delusion and hallucination.
I would suggest you to seek help from medical professions. Do you read and write Chinese? If you need help from the local, there is similar schizophrenia China web forum.


Welcome to the forum @casperyun

I would suggest making an appointment with a psychiatrist and being honest about what you are experiencing.

You need professional help, I can tell you that you need to see a psychiatrist. All of what you say sounds familiar and honestly you sound like you have schizophrenia, but unless you have had it for six months you wont be diagnosed with it.

Good luck and if you do anything, make an appointment with a psychiatrist and be there on time, and tell them everything.

It’s good that you think you have this illness, that is a big first step. And by the way, these thoughts you are having are all the product of faulty neurology. The voices are too. It’s all in your head.

Source: Been there, done that. Hope you get well soon.

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hope you get the help you need. you don’t need they’re advice,as they are ass holes. get some real help and you’ll do just fine. hoping you do.