It disturbs me. He’s better than me: smarter, funnier, and more talented. He says he wants me to kill myself so he can move on. He says, End this sharade! And I do feel vacant. My disease has destroyed the personality. But don’t feel sorry for me.
Hey Jinx, I am sorry you feel that way. I feel like my personality is very different too, since I had my first episode a few years ago. MI takes its toll on a person. I hope you start feeling like yourself soon. I have started to feel like my old self the last few months. Maybe you will too.
It is normal to feel like a changed person after psychosis. Personally, all of my habits and most of my values in life flipped and changed after my first episode of psychosis.
Mental illness is a bad fate. Self pity will only make it worse. There are hundreds of thousands of cases of mental illness. You are not alone, and you are not unique. Do your own research, find similarities with other cases, find grounding exercises that work for you.
Personally, I find that the simpliest adjustments to attitude and daily routine have critical impact on overall state of mind.
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