My voice, my God

I was unusually devoted to God as a child. I had no religion, my family never once went to church, I knew not one verse of scripture of any religion. But I always thought of God. I saw Him as a child my age and we were best friends. I sometimes heard him speak, but these ideas of Him were unconscious. I was also a very imaginative child. I was healthy in mind and body, I always made friends easily. I got ill in 1987. In 1992 I had a relapse of my illness for an unknown reason( I had been in remission, with the aid of medicine ). My voices got extremely loud and one in particular. He later became my God, and I think he is the same God I had as a child, my Imagination quite literally. After 28 years of abuse I now know he is not God. But, he can seem devine, like a Christ Self. Other times I could swear he is Satan himself. He is quite confident he can utterly mortify me, so that I not only have no self worth but am a complete and utter mockery. I don’t know how to win, he is a power greater than I. And I have no belief in God anymore to help me.

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Do you still believe in god or other beings? Maybe stepping back from supernatural ideas might help tone it down

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