I have an audition for music college tomorrow and I can’t sing. My voice is weak and crackly. This has happened before, about 4 years ago the people who control me threatened to take my voice away if I told anyone about them and I even stopped speaking for 2 weeks bc I was so scared they were going to steal my voice forever if I spoke at all. I am a singer so my voice is especially important to me. I’ve finally after 3 years opened up to a doctor about these beliefs (the people who control me and the thing that I am etc, I really can only give minimal information) and I think they’re threatening to steal my voice again so I don’t talk about them more. In some part of my brain I think this could be a delusion but that doesn’t mean it isn’t scary or that I can sing any better. Does this sound delusional? And does anyone have any advice on what to do? Or what’s happening to me? I’m so anxious and at a loss. Thank you.
Yes, it sounds delusional. Do you take any meds?
That is just about the most relatable thing I’ve ever read.
Yes, what you’ve described does sound delusional. You talked to a doctor about it, which is good. Did they prescribe anything or refer you to a psychiatrist?
I have one voice that is more… lucid than the others. When I was even just considering speaking to a psychiatrist, it got got very angry. It didn’t want to lose the ability to influence me, or to have limitations put on what they could make me do. But the voices are selfish. They don’t care about my best interests.
They shouldn’t have that control. They feel real. I mean… they are real. To me. But only to me. And I’m the only person who should be in control of me.
Yes, I’ve been on abilify for a month but all its done is give me horrible side effects so far
Thank you, this is so helpful and makes a lot of sense. They are real but only to me and that’s the main thing I have to remind myself even though it’s the most difficult part. Thank you again.
I’m glad you relate, it’s comforting to not feel alone in what you’re going through. I’ve been prescribed abilify 10mg but its just given me horrible side effects and not helped at all.
Give it some time to work.
Thanks 
Finding relatable folks is always a huge relief. I’ve had a lot of IRL friends be super unsupportive, which was pretty disappointing.
I’m sorry that your scrip isn’t helping yet. Side effects are gross, but Om is right. You have to give it time to start working, or else go back to your doc and get the dosages/meds adjusted.
You can do it! I believe in you!! 
I’m so sorry to hear that! I hope you find better friends. The only people who really know about my psychosis are supportive and I appreciate that so much but they don’t understand what I’m going through of course so its really lonely and makes me feel super alienated.
It’s okay, I’m just getting there slowly I suppose. You and Om are both right, I have to stick with it to see results. Are you on any medication right now? Just out of curiosity!
Thank you for being so supportive of me I really appreciate it! You’re very kind. I’m a lot less anxious now 
I, too, think it’s a delusion. I really hope that you are able to do well at your audition. I know how important dreams are, and I hope that you can achieve yours. 
Thanks I’ve started to find better people, though they don’t know exactly what I’m going through. But I really appreciate them standing by me.
I’m not on any medications right now, but I know I should be. I’m starting to realise I should have been on medication a long time ago. I had an awful doctor when I was 15 who totally brushed me off.
But I’m working on it! Like you said, it’s something I just have to stick with. Getting better is a process.
You’re very welcome! I hope you start to feel better soon 
Do you know what you’re going to be auditioning with?
I’m glad to hear that! I hope they stick with you even if you choose to share the things that people tend not to be so accepting of. And hey, if you want to talk to someone who’s also psychotic/most likely schizophrenic but not yet diagnosed I can give you my email
Oh god me too! I had many different psychs as a teenager because they all kept leaving and none of them took me seriously. It was awful I’m sorry it happened to you as well. I think it’s pretty common experience for teenagers with mental health stuff especially psychosis.
Exactly yes it’s a process and it can be long and stressful but it’s all worthwhile. We’re getting there!
Thank you I’m going to be singing You Make Loving Fun by Fleetwood Mac! I’m also going to bring along a cd with some of my own songs as well because I think my strongest point is writing music so maybe it would be good if the interviewer heard them y’know? Idk I’m nervous but I hope it goes well.
At some point you recognize they are telling you thihngs about yourself that you don’t want to hear. This is the first inclusive line of repression. We some how think that we are this and they are that and some how we must overcome them to acquire. The danger they tell you and beat into you with drugs, is that you can never allow anyone or anything to question your rule of this bodily incarnation. The trap is actually two fold, firstly it is the idea that you are somebody in a list of anybodies that will show up to be named. The second trap is that you ain’t any body but a deity incarnate. It is really hard and requires a lot of sleep and waking hours to achieve the realization, everything is a dream that is attempting to move your story. Through buddhist meditation and lucid dreaming on comes to the realization: I am not a thought that enters my mind, nor a feeling in my body, not an emotion that passes through. I only become these when I embody or advert from these arousals.
If you never owned what you said, if you never vocalized or embraced the vocalization, then it can never be stolen. If you are so hot about your words being stolen then, you don’t really realize what has been said, before you ever had a voice box to tempt me with.
You think everything you thing or say is golden, in comparison to what has be said and what is known from all forms of communication, your words are a dust mote in a beam of light. Your nothing, you live in fear and I want to give you the capacity to call me a ■■■■ bag, tell me in words how your way is best and if I think you can do better, I am nothing but a ■■■■ bag guru licking, over thinking, ball of crap that you can escape from easily if you exrercise a measure of reductive materialism and a hand full of pills.
I HEAR YOU! Tell me more, Tell me now.
I’ve started to share some of my experiences and they’ve been really good about it. There are some things that I know they don’t need to know, but that’s what therapy is for 
I’m sorry that you had those experiences too 
I thought it was just me, but the more people I talk to, the more I’m starting to realise that a lot of things totally fly under the radar for youth mental health.
But yes! We’re on the right track now
I know you’re gonna do amazing!! Hahaha my musical style is “Nirvana but worse” 
Break a leg!!!
This topic was automatically closed 7 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.