Nobody on the planet has caused me more cognitive dissonance(Buyer’s remorse) than this one female (I’m a man) and I can’t help but feel like she has a rigid form of narcissism.
That word gets used often these days, and my therapist agrees.
I’ve spoken on her before but I am more grounded now. She was a spender and I was a saver. I guess it’s been extra hard to process, because I could have gone the other way.
She found success and I now believe spending is the way to go in a person’s early career. I read in the excellent business book “The Four” by Scott Galloway, that the first five years of a person’s career are the most important, and they set the trajectory.
And bosses of entry level jobs are human beings… a lot of them (perhaps anyway) have new babies and new mortgages, they are invested, and want to witness votes of confidence in the future and don’t want to think that “money velocity” (The Music) is gonna dry up. My optics were not so inspiring, as though I didn’t believe in a fantastic future.
Back to the girl. I went into psychosis in 2012 and didn’t know it. I emailed her and misunderstood a ton. I drove cross country to see about her, (haha??). And she failed to communicate to me to turn around. Anyway it’s my pain, I don’t need to describe it all, I forgive her, and myself. And even though I proved I can’t be friends, the meaning that seems to be being made over time is that there is the presence of some type of bond.
I guess I felt like sharing/updating?
Wish it weren’t so late I’m willing to talk : )
Sorta same thing happened to me, @anon64158233. There was a girl, (woman) in my life (I’m a female), for over 15 years and I kidded myself into thinking she loved me. (She didn’t). Anyway, she’s out of my life now and I’m unsure of what to do. Look for another relationship with another woman or forget about romantic relationships altogether and be a celibate for God?
At least as we kid ourselves we are identifying beauty in the world… there’s gotta be worse things.
But if I oscillated on being capable of mere friendship with this person, I know I could now. I’m 40, but again I think she may just have a rigid issue, (I know I shouldn’t play doctor but a lot of what I have read, adds up.)
Will you be able to forget your person? That may be the most important question for you… Nonethless It’s really sad isn’t it? I wouldn’t want my partner in the future to be a poor mans [insert name]. Also it feels pretty weak too? Don’t you sort of think?
I guess its our illness. I sort of think it’s a delusion, but sometimes I feel like I’m guilty of trying to make it more romantic to me. Would you say yours is/was a delusion?
@anon64158233, Idk if I was deluding myself into believing that she loved me or not. I kind of guess I was deluding myself for many, many years. I have insight now though. I want nothing more to do with her. She is the source of nothing but pure misery to me. Good riddance. Nothing worse than unrequited love.
I would say to you to focus on learning what you can from the whole thing. That’s what has brought me some peace.
I think about emulating some qualities that I liked in this person. At weak moments it feels like I’m trying to feel closer to her, but it’s more than that. Anyway I analyze how opposite traits attract but mostly I believe similarities are what attract us. As for God, I’m not much one to ask, more and more I feel as though life could be a test, and my version of God (I’ll just say) wouldn’t want to deprive a person… (I.E. Celibacy).
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