Schizophrenia.com

My study program

So there are many things I want to study to help me to be a better worker.

The lethargy of the negative symptoms has often prevented me, but every now and then I get a boost of motivation and make an effort to do a little, often just fifteen minutes a day or so.

I want to journal my study program here.

Hopefully I will get the all clear for taking sarcosine and this will help with motivation.

I’m still not ready to commit to study today, but will try to in the future.

Thank you.

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So maybe I am ready to commit to some study.

I want to read five pages of a book each day.

Today I want to read five pages of a book on chakras and I want to get it done before 2pm.

Thank you.

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What all do you want to study? I like languages and cultures also the root meanings of words (etymology)

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I like mathematics and mind-body spiritual sciences.

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Pennfoster.edu online has engineering classes. You’re going to get a lot of math with engineering. I studied trig and algorithms with civil engineering. I didn’t complete the course or I would have taken calculus. Also if you work with directionals (North east west south) you’ll use math. Also tuition for a whole plethora of classes thru Pennfoster.edu is like $900 where if you go to a regular college is like $10,000

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Good luck on your studies. Have you ever read The Body Electric? I read it a long time ago. I liked it.

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What’s The Body Electric about? silly me why not google?

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It talks about our electric bodies and how they regenerate with electrical currents etc. I don’t fully remember it because I read it a long time ago.

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Thanks Pianogal, the book sounds interesting, I will have to check it out, although I have a lot of books on my reading list at the moment.

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So I managed to read more than five pages of my book on theories of chakras yesterday before 2pm.

I want to read at least five pages of it again today, again before 2pm.

Thank you.

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So I discussed sarcosine with my GP today, he’d never heard of it so he has emailed a psychiatrist. Hopefully I’ll get the go ahead to try it. He did say that sodium valproate is definitely not an antidepressant but we still need to check if its compatible.

I don’t know if I’m just lazy, I certainly seem to be able to write in small bursts, but that is part of the processing of my experiences. Finding energy to do anything else like study or tidying my room and washing my clothes is really hard. Every time I think about doing something productive, a huge lethargy comes over me. The only thing I can really do is try and get all my thoughts out of my system.

I read over five pages of my book on theories of chakras again yesterday before 2pm and want to do the same again today.

There are many other things I want to do, but I want to establish reading as a routine first before attempting more.

In the past few years I’ve been quite good at setting up small routines of study for a month or so, and I want to see how far I can push it.

I’m nowhere near having enough concentration to work, but establishing small routines is good for my general well-being and mental health.

So for the time being, I’m just going to concentrate on making sure I read at least five pages of a book each day.

I have so many books I want to study, and at five pages a day, it will take me a long time, but hopefully, gradually, I can build up.

Thank you.

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So I’ve read the post on DMG vs sarcosine and will have to ask my doctor about it, so far I haven’t had the all clear to take either, so am just trying to motivate myself as best I can without.

I didn’t read anything yesterday as I had quite a busy day seeing various people.

The book on chakras is interesting and relevant to my meditation classes, but it’s not going to help me much with work.

At the moment I just want to get into the habit of doing something everyday. I’d like to try volunteering again, last time I did that, I only managed about six months or less.

I don’t actually have to do anything at the moment, which is what I keep telling myself to sooth my anxiety through acceptance. But as I said elsewhere, acceptance doesn’t mean condoning.

I think I still care to much about being judged a success or failure. I also care about being a burden on others. Both of these things are good things to care about, but accepting reality is also important. Success and failure are relative as is being a burden on others. Even if we are supporting ourselves, we are usually consuming things that are produced through some form of exploitation, so our demands are in fact a burden.

Perhaps burden is the wrong word, but my point is we are always dependent on other people in some way. I still think that minimising this and maximising success, are both ideals to aim for, but as someone once said, “ideals condemn” in that they can never be lived up to fully. You can see I’m quite confused. I think I just need to remember that this is a journey, there is no point where I will have reached 100% success or 100% independence.

Finishing the book on chakras will be a success, so this is what I want to focus on for the time being.

I want to continue reading at least five pages a day before 2pm, despite having missed one day yesterday.

I haven’t been going to my mediation classes recently, which is what the book relates to, and reading the theory, I do wonder whether it is worth it. It is a very convoluted path to spirituality. I’ve studied many spiritual systems and Islam seems to me to be the most direct. The theory of chakras seems to be much more about developing ones abilities energetically and mentally which are not really necessary. One doesn’t need abilities to appreciate spirituality.

If I enjoy it then there is no reason not to pursue it, so long as it doesn’t destabilize me, but it is also not very practical, at least with regards to making money.

Still I want to finish the book at least, so will try and read another five pages today.

Thank you.

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So my last reply in this post probably broke the rules of the forum, for which I apologize as I hadn’t read the faq properly.

I don’t know if I can even talk about the subjects of the books I want to read and am reading as many of them are on topics that are against the rules.

I didn’t manage to even read five pages of my book yesterday, but this was because I had some things to do for the holiday season, so I’m not too worried.

However, in reality, I could quite easily have fitted in reading five pages, it is hardly anything at all, so I want to make sure I do this today. I’ll try and do it shortly.

Thank you.

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So I have read my five pages for today and I have just read the preliminary physical exercises described in the book.

I want to spend a week doing these exercises every day before I continue reading. To do this I will have to clear a space in my room.

Tomorrow is the 25th of December and I will be spending the day with my parents. I will start doing the physical exercises on the 26th till the 2nd and then continue reading my book.

Thank you.

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So I asked my father how I could help him best, and he said “the best thing you could do is get off my back”, he went on to say that I was largely a burden to him indirectly by being a burden on my mother.

My mother sorts everything practical out for me and provides me with emotional comfort. I don’t have a girlfriend, I don’t have a means of independent finance and I can’t stay stable without relapsing for any great length of time.

These problems have been with me for the past twenty odd years. All I do is process my reality with my thoughts. To this extent reading esoteric books and doing esoteric physical exercises are not really helpful in making me independent. They capture my attention more than anything else, but they don’t lead anywhere except to more thought processing. They don’t even necessarily help me with avoiding relapse, sometimes they do and I seem to make progress, sometimes they actually destabilize me.

I don’t want to be a burden, but I have this condition, and I’ve had it for the past twenty years. I want my parents to be happy. I worry about what will happen when they’re gone. I should be taking steps to support myself, get a girlfriend, and stop relapsing. I am focused on these things, but nothing I do seems to help.

Journaling is helping, it captures my attention more than anything else, and I have been wondering today if I could somehow make money out of writing. But I am not a good writer, struggle to write fiction and my non-fictional writing is all over the place moving from topic to topic at random.

I can’t really concentrate on any one thing for more than fifteen minutes or so, about the time it takes me to write a post in one of my journals. I struggle with philosophy, getting nowhere. Earning a living as a philosopher is tough, I don’t have a philosophy degree for a start, and you have to be both well read and able to write well, not to mention original.

At the moment I am trying to write every day, hopefully improving my writing, but I am still largely processing my own disfunctional reality. I don’t know if anyone wants to read what I write. It would be nice to start a blog, but I don’t really feel ready. Journaling on forums is the best way for me at the moment.

Years ago, my father warned me that I was like a butterfly with my attention, never really focusing on one thing for long enough to get good at it, and this is still the case.

I still want to make sure I read at least five pages of a book each day, whether it will get me anywhere, I don’t know, but the discipline of some sort of routine is good.

In fact I have a routine of eating and drinking coffee. I know many people link coffee to schizophrenia, but I’ve found it helps me, especially with the meds. I have a very high tolerance for coffee.

My routine of eating and drinking coffee doesn’t get me anywhere. As I said, I want to get off my parents back. I just can’t seem to do it. There is only one reason for this, my condition. I have to get better.

Thank you.

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So I haven’t been studying this past week at all. Instead I’ve been focused on the relationship between my brain and the environment.

Schizophrenia has a genetic component, I think that is well established, however I don’t think that genes determine behaviour in an absolute sense. How genes relate to the environment and vice versa is what determines behaviour. This can be seen by the racial skewing of schizophrenia. It is not because of genetics that certain groups are more prone to schizophrenia, it is because of how the environment relates to these genes.

The psychiatrist R.D. Lang was famous for saying that mental illness was a breakdown of society in relation to the patient, not the other way around.

The problem with this analysis is that it is very hard to change one’s environment except in a limited way. One person against the world is not likely to succeed.

Thus we have to accept our environment to a certain degree, but that doesn’t mean we have to condone it.

Being very careful with nourishment, what comes in and out of ourselves becomes ever more important. This is true of diet but it is also true of words.

How we craft our communication is one of the hardest challenges that schizophrenics face. What comes out of our mouths comes back to us so long as we are attached to our discourse.

Shaping our words through juxtaposition, trying to always be positive, give good things to the world at large, and not try to take from others without asking, whilst trying to survive is that much more difficult for the schizophrenic and it is this that I have been focusing on this last week.

At some point, I will have to return to study. I want to start my shiatsu course again after missing half a term due to relapse. I also want to start studying maths again in preparation for tutoring. Practicing physical activity is largely something I want to do to help me with relationships. I want to do yoga as well as shiatsu but am less inclined to t’ai ji at the moment although I am more attracted to it as a challenge. Muscular exercise like running or going to the gym doesn’t appeal to me at all, but perhaps that is my failing.

I will start studying again, but for the time being I am focused on developing my capacity to love and accept.

I hope everyone had a happy new year.

Thank you.

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So I put down the book on chakras after getting to the description of the physical exercises. I just can’t bring myself to do them, and this is unsurprising as I have been told numerous times that the balance between my solar plexus and brow chakra is way out of line :frowning:

Making the transition begins with meditating on the solar plexus before activating it for physical work. I’d like to work in a supermarket to build up my tolerance to physically ordering things rather than do t’ai ji which is purely martial. On the other hand yoga would be more in keeping with healing myself by stilling the mind. Stimulating my ego with a vast array of products is bound to send me crazy eventually :frowning:

The best thing I could do is gardening, and with this in mind I’ve got some pot plants, but my bonsai tree hasn’t sprouted leaves in over a year, though I’m convinced it’s still alive.

I’m trying to read a book entitled “Healing the space within by beautifying the space around you”, which is about the benefits of keeping a tidy home, however it began with a discourse on how everyone was on the internet cluttering up the biosphere with garbage (my words), and I felt too ill to proceed beyond the first paragraph.

I did however tidy my room a bit, which is progress.

I need to change my sheets, clean my kitchen, and re-apply for my shiatsu course.

I missed half the first practical term because of relapsing so I don’t know if I can proceed to the next, although I can definitely do the theory.

It’s not so expensive as courses go and run by a compatriot who studied in Japan, but finances is also a slight problem, I might have to take a loan from my mother.

I gave £30 to a drug addict cousin of mine the other day convinced he worked for the intelligence services of my father’s country, I hope he survives, he’s very well informed.

Thank you.

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So this post is not about religion it is about science and mathematics. I have a copy of the so called “Sacred Ifa Oracle” written by a Nigerian babalyeo. I know that sounds religious, but he was in fact a chemist. I have read some of the Anthropologists translation, and read a few lines from the original text. I want to write the whole original text out by hand and try to read it as a study program. However I can’t sit still. I need to pick an Odu to write. I’m not sure whether to start at the beginning.

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So I’ve signed up to my meridian theory course now, still haven’t gotten around to copying out the Obi, am a bit dubious of my mathematical abilities, I used to be such a confident teacher :frowning:

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So one of my long term ambitions is to be an ambulance driver, I thought I’d start with a taxi. That’s a long way off, maybe in five years time. At the moment I’m concentrating on healing arts, philosophy and mathematics. I hope I’m not posting too much, seeing a friend today, so taking some time off. Thank you.

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