I don’t know if this will help anyone or just me but here goes…
I was in an awful relationship with my ex-husband for about 5 years and had just gotten diagnosed as being bipolar. I was under a lot of stress because of the relationship and other things as well. Then lo and behold he abused me so violently (physically and emotionally) that I feel as though he pushed me over the edge of bipolar and into sz.
After this incident happened, he took the motherboard out of my pc (said he was removing the hard drive), set a master password to all my accounts and then used everything he read against me. Sounds outrageous but he admitted to it after I had been gone for 6 months and gave me the master password. Needless to say I had to make new email accounts and such and when I did I became so reclusive so as only to give them to very few people. BTW this was years ago and the accounts I have now are perfectly safe.
On to the psychosis. I believed after he took apart my pc that it was talking to me in code. It would actually lull me to sleep. He had a business trip for a few days so I decided to investigate his pc and found the software that allowed him to read all of accounts. My mission: destroy his pc, which I did just before walking down the street, suitcase in hand. I landed in the psych ward because of my stress and not a hospital. I’m glad for this though because I truly believe if I had gone to the hospital I would have forgiven him again and gone back. I spent two weeks in-patient took my medication like I should and flew out of state to a friends.
At this friends house the hallucinations grew worse as I thought the tv was now talking to me in subliminal messages. The pc still talked to me as well.
I moved to another friends house temporarily where I truly believed a “friend” loved me. So the friend I was staying with recommended that I go live with my Aunt as I had no insurance and was running out of medication. I did this, eventually got insurance and started on medication. Of course I was not on the right mix of medications and my Aunt couldn’t take any more: the tv radio pc and telephone lines all spoke to me, not to mention a suicide attempt, so I moved again and ended up in a homeless shelter.
The divorce had just been finalized (while I was at the homeless shelter) and my ex gave me a deadline to pick up my belongings.Since he wired me the money to travel there I did. I dearly wanted my Mom’s dresser and bookcase so off I went. I got there, realized that I had lost my dog again (Brandy) and tried to commit suicide again. Psych ward again after getting out of the hospital this time. My ex-husband sent me to live with his brother (big mistake). While there he controlled my medication with the Pdoc’s permission because of my suicide attempts. Well 4 more psych ward visits and the last Dr. finally said I don’t trust this man as he keeps sending you here for free medicine so after he got me on a therapeutic dose of Thorazine I was released to a nursing home.
Currently I’m doing much better, in an assisted living facility with my new husband, and we are working on getting a place of our own with the permission of our Dr’s, Pdoc included. We’re also working with an agency that helps people get back into society from a nursing home or assisted living facility. Today we’re applying at a local apartment and am I ever hoping we can get it.
With my husband’s help I feel safe enough to make this huge change and get used to new things. Hopefully I’ll do well, we shall see.