I am a 28 years old male and have been diagnosed with Schyzophrenia about 7 years ago. At the time I was close to suicide but found great relief in christian faith, associated with other “strange beliefs”. My uncomfort never left me to this day.
I am feeling such an utter rage and hatred at times that my thoughts vanish in murder scenario and extreme aggressivity. I train to contain myself most of the time and when released or off-medication (when I forget them) it totally “turns me off”.
Coupled with that I was raped at 6 or 7 years old (I was at the prime age school) and this is probaly a reason why I hate this ■■■■■■■ country so much. I ■■■■■■■ hate the place I live and I split myself to the mind, or I should say “heart-mind” where I can feel a sense of security and faith. I would almost say I’m dead it makes sense, pationnally and emotionnally yet im alive I don’t know WHAT THE ■■■■ to do ?!! I’m trapped in my own system and the world could burn I wouldn’t feel a think I would think “you all failed and I never cared about you”.
My “strange belief” holds that I am a resurrected saint yet no one called him a saint and this happened one night at a prophecy night at Church when I felt God talk to me “his way” (If you are a Christian you know this is not schyzophrenic distortion because God does speak through the Holy Spirit - I didnt hear anything it was through the heart-mind like He always does) when several people got prophetical insight into my “situation”.
This Church is the only good thing I experienced in this piece of ■■■■ country (switzerland), apart from my family. I went through 20 years of school after being raped and it felt like torture all along. Now I think everyone is so ■■■■■■■ retared I wish I could see this country burn
I ■■■■■■■ hate people I think everyone is a ■■■■■■■ retard and I don’t speak to no one even my parents.