Alright lets start back in college, Smoked weed every day, abused ecstasy LSD stims shrooms pretty much anything I could get my hands on. You could say i’m an addict or whatever but I believe I have no physical need for drugs just a compulsive want to do them all the time (especially pot). I started believing for the next couple years that the world was out to get me out to harm me out to kill me and I holed up kept my head down failed all my classes failed all my relationships. I eventually got help after rambling on to my parents on several occasions that people are following me around trying to ruin my life. I was forced to go to a mental hospital despite voicing that I had no want or desire to harm myself or others. they put me on meds that made me lazy and gain weight made me sleep for 12 hours a day. the meds work dont get me wrong they combat delusional thoughts well. now lets get to why im here. I was on risperidal the first time i was on meds i was latuda when that didnt work i was on olanzapine after i got out of the hospital and have stopped entirely and been relying on pot to get through day to day. then i realize after a lot of extensive research and being diagnosed delusional that the “voices” i hear and think are due to my own insecurities. I get them loud though they race through my head they all try to talk at once and none of them are actually my intended thought process. they talk to each other like theres a room full of people watching my every move speaking on my actions and responding to what i think and say. They take responsibility like they caused me to do something or say something. they tell me they know that I know that they are there and their purpose in life is to direct and guide me towards a better future. I work at a golf course and i hallucinate sounds like the sound of a golf ball landing with a loud thud near me usually behind me. so im not hearing external voices of people i know they are thoughts but they are so loud that they can be easily confused by myself sometimes as voices from other poeple. as i type this they ask me in my head if I would like them to be quieter and apologizing sarcastically. I would like to know a couple questions
1.) Was my message coherent im kinda a mess right now
2.) do you experience anything similar
3.) how do you sleep because a lot of the time its impossible for me
4.) What should my course of action be if i were to continue not taking medication
5.) good coping methods tuning out the voices
I would stop all drugs and take your meds.
Let me ask you a question. What do you do when you can’t figure out an answer to a problem like say a home work problem or brain teaser?
You go talk it out with someone. That is what you need to do. You need to talk this out with a therapist, or pdoc, or if you refuse those then a good friend.
The reason for this, as you seem aware is your brain can lie to you. It can give you information that isn’t there. Our brains are faulty equipment. And for us what that means is we need other people’s help to determine the truth of things.
I’m sorry you are going through this. I know it is hard saying ‘I need help’ especially when that comes with saying ‘I can’t even trust my own brain.’ But it does seem like you really already know this.
If the meds don’t work keep trying new meds. Be proactive and demand your right to get the treatment you deserve if the doctors are unresponsive.
My voices are very much like that. They would say they are there to help me but then when I least expect it they said they would ■■■■ me up.
They last called themselves “the collective”
Please stop smoking pot, the THC is literally making you psychotic.
Number one cause of relapse: Stopping your meds.
You have to take a long, hard look at your marijuana use. Is it hurting more than it’s helping? Is it really helping or are you fooling yourself? I’ve never heard voices so I won’t comment on that.
But as a recovering addict who has been to many AA, CA, and NA meetings I learned that a compulsive want to do drugs is a sign of addiction. And obsessing about drugs is a sign of addiction. If you can’t stop taking drugs when you want to i.e. if you can’t control your intake or frequency or amount, that is a sure sign of addiction.
I would read this carefully if I were you and take it seriously. This is your life we are talking about.
Or what I called in my addiction, a typical Saturday night.
Definitely stop smoking weed it just makes symptoms much worse. Sounds like you maybe have no other option than to take medication but if you do try to go on without it good luck. Personally I don’t sleep until I become completely exhausted and just pass out.
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