My psychiatrist and therapist call my parents emotionally abusive. Never thought about it that way wondering if you all agree, slightly long post warning

A little background: My parents divorced when I was four. I grew up with my mom and sister and lived very far from my dad. We talked a lot and we saw each other a few times a year, but we never spent more than two weeks at a time together while I was growing up. Both my mom and dad remarried.
When I was seventeen I started having symptoms of schizophrenia. They were the worst, most difficult years of my life. My mom and stepdad were AMAZING. My mom was my champion, driving me to every appointment an hour away, my stepdad was always checking in with me about how I was. My dad talked to me semi regularly but I never saw him in person, my stepmom never spoke to me during these two years (note they were going through their own struggles at this time). After I graduated high school, I was really struggling so I decided to temporarily move to my dad’s who’s near a city, and I ended up living there for a little over 5 years, I only moved out at the beginning this year.

In a nutshell, here are a few situations I experienced when living there:

  1. I was told by my stepmom “You are a ■■■■■■■ liar your mom’s a ■■■■■■■ liar too so you come by it honestly.”
  2. When I was upset about my stepmom never talking to me during those two years and not getting the struggle I went through I was told “Well where were you when my dad died?” (This was happening during the two year period of psychosis, I later attended the funeral, my sister didn’t)
  3. When I tried to tell my dad in extreme confidence that I struggled with my relationship with my stepmom, months later in an argument she yelled at me “You are the queen of triangulation and can’t even come to me honestly with your damn issues.”
  4. I got my dad a birthday gift which he yelled at me for and told me to return to the store because it was “a ridiculous and bad idea.”
  5. I got hit on the head randomly by a stranger on public transit and got a mild concussion. I told dad I was going to urgent care with my friend I was with at the time. After a long afternoon of being there and figuring it out, I got home and was yelled at for being “A horrible person” because “I was inconsiderate” to not also inform my stepmom and she “was sure I had told everyone else in the world except her.”
  6. When I did finally tell them in October of last year I was planning on moving out with my boyfriend of a few years (thoroughly planned decision), my life was miserable through December. I was constantly told I was shady and dishonest with them.I was stabbing them in the back and I was taking advantage of them. I was told I was “rushing into this” and “it couldn’t possibly work out.” Hurtful things were also said about my boyfriend and our relationship.

The only one of these I’ve gotten an apology for was from my dad months after the final one, and this is far from a comprehensive list of things. He recently apologized after seeing how well I’ve been doing. My psychiatrist told me this was emotional abuse, my therapist agreed. I guess I never thought about it that way and I’m wondering people’s thoughts. I struggle with loving my dad but recognizing that he’s a very hard person sometimes and SUPER controlling.
However, I’m also 25 years old and I am hurt that he doesn’t trust me and still thinks it is ok to say things like the above (and many, many more) without any consequence.
I also get mad at myself because I’m an adult and I can handle myself. Everything that has come up for me while living at my dad’s and after I’ve handled myself. I don’t understand why I care but I’ve also tried to tell him how much these things impacted me and they tell me I’m fragile. When I get angry or tell them they are disrespecting my boundaries, they laugh at me. Literally, I’ve been laughed at many times for saying this.

Does anyone else have this? What can I do? I want to have a good relationship with them but I have a lot of resentment I’ve never been able to be honest about. How can I tell them this entire pattern is not ok? I’m just not sure. Sorry for such a long post!

1 Like

It’s sounds emotionally abusive to me too. The best things you can do is distance yourself from them both physically and emotionally. Maybe take a break from talking to them for a good, long while, until your strong enough to not take their abuse to heart.

1 Like

This topic was automatically closed 95 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.